Aspergers and Me: Navigating and social privileges

Whoa! It super stressful! Navigation and finding your social privilege is really challenging when you have Aspergers. I am the person diagnosed with mild case of Aspergers, and also hearing loss in both ears. Growing up as a kid I didn't realised how stressful life is after I experienced bullies and harassment during high school and university years. Also to the extent I was bullied and harassed online as well in those years.

It was extremely difficult to avoid these situations because it who I am. There nothing I can be better than myself because it just the way who I am. The way I speak, the way I listen, the way I concentrate, the way I approach, the way how I react, and the way how I be! These little things can be really irritating or scary for a Neurotypical (NT; a person who do not identify with Aspergers nor Autism). It also irritating and scary for me facing consequences and barriers portrayed by NTs approach or reaction for the way who I am.

Lack of inclusivity and poor education was something that reminded me as a kid and high schooler. I remembered they didn't talk about 'diversity' and 'culture' in classes. Nobody mention about disabilities and learn about particular life skills. I believe this is something can be a solution that improve my navigation in NT world, and the society; and also for them to understand us better. There is nothing we all can do to make changes by who we are. I was told so many times I suppose to change the behaviour. This affect my mental health since it is stressful by trying to change who I am.

Wouldn't be stressful for a NT person to learn and understand more about this? In this reflection it will help people like myself to learn more about them! It goes both ways. It just like making new friends who visited to your country for first time, speaking English as second language and don't have cultural awareness. It is all about new. You start from speaking and listening to each others. This is where natural connection comes in play finding (navigating) to reach social privileges.

In many research studies from psychologists and experts find that social privileges means inequality of societal identities. So, we see someone who are doing same successes and achievements as you have more attention and support than you. This is where social privileges occur. Creating a spotlight over that person more than you, because you 'appear' different to them. Many males with Autism, Aspergers, social anxiety, introverts and depression facing social privileges a challenges. My personal experiences reflect this social privileges pretty well. I know I am very successful with plentiful of achievements in professional life - my career, pursuing my passions and planning for my future. BUT, unfortunately this does not mean I will have the privileges.

In past two years, when I became active with my career, networking, conference engagements and traveling I realised that my social privileges hasn't improved. I am still lost in social and communication aspects when interacting with people. Running a company that able to maximise employment and social opportunities for people with disabilities like myself is super challenging as well. It all about social and communication aspects where you actively engage with mainstream (terminology refer to other perspective from a person with disability) where they yet to learn and try to understand who you are.

It goes back to where as a kid and high school of experiences. Everything has to start again, and repeat everywhere you go. Living with Aspergers, as well having hearing loss at the same time makes it super challenging to make everything 'that appear perfect' to communicate and engage in conversations, build rapport and relationships. Every single day I faced lot of presumptions and assumptions from others especially in scenarios when "I thought you going to reply to me to organise a meet up?". I cannot tell in that language when the person has to respond to me, especially after I responded to that person message. In face to face communication, there always distractions surrounding the social interaction that impacts my ability to focus on the person who speaks to me. I am not ignoring nor lacking interest of you. It the surrounding environment that is very distracting, especially sounds and crowded places.

So, social privileges shouldn't be a primary focus in everyday life. Get lot of attention on one person while other have similar achievements and successes. The #metoo movement has proven similar consequences, because there is #wetoo movement. The #wetoo movement is less selfish. The selfishness of paying attention to particular identity will mean impact on other who have different identity. Social inequality, from my experience has caused me to experience anxiety and depression. It make me very difficult to overcome these challenges and barriers to have my rapport.

It not a laughing matter: Why I don't like people in my generation?

Be warned reading negative criticisms, offensive remarks and victim blaming in this article if you find me upsetting you.

I am sitting in the middle between young adults experiences today; 1) facing lack of opportunities such as secured employment, access to education, own a home and social security, and 2) lacking basic life and social skills.

My life is all about that. The most luxury item I own is a car. Ford Fiesta 2008 model. I feel good to own transportation because of having independency. I afforded academic scholarships which that helped me succeed my career today. My argument is we are missing social and communication empathy of young adults today.

Positive news is that my disabilities didn't stop me to own and drive a car, living independently away from home, run a company, being a keynote speaker and travelling. These are key personal achievements, based out of my own respect and responsibility by listening to experienced people giving me advice. Unfortunately, everyday I faced negative or ableist criticisms from people at my age commenting on my social and communication skills. This is the thing they don't understand. There no such thing as 'poor'. I am being me, who is different to everybody else. This quote below tells you why:

While I have figured myself who I am, what I want to do with my life and my future aspirations. At nearly 28 years old I feel good to have these commitments ready. Unfortunately this doesn't seem the case for many others. Every day I questioned acquaintances and strangers where I met at universities, Meetup.com groups, community events and organisations - "what you do for living?". More than 70% of the time they don't answer this question. Why?

Many are still at universities, after trying to finish their first degrees, and still living with their parents not deciding who they want to live with. Maturity and independence is a biggest factor here. I developed maturity quite early in 20's, but my networking experiences today is still troublesome for me. I am still finding so difficult to maintain friendships and relationships. People who are like my quirks and uniqueness.

Self-discovery is what I have achieved through my passion and personal experiences unlike many 27 year olds are still partying like college kids, travelling around the world without money in their pockets and more politicised/factioned than previous generations. I used to be Greens Party member for 4 and half years being part of their Young Greens movement. It has been amazing experience networking and finding people who are like you sharing same passion and values.

But why left politics and activism movement? Lack of empathy nor respect from those Young Greens members showing lack of social and communication skills. Many young adults are now too focused on by society 'norms' with high expectations of personal status, distracted by social media and lacking life skills portraying acts of courtesy. Every single time when developing tasks and responsibilities, they leave to the last minute. This makes me feel underprepared! They showed lack of consistency by not following my voice nor direct action items that supposed to complete by the deadline. Hello!? We need to get this done by the day!

Group assignments at universities were nightmare to me as well where many so called academics lacking basic social and communication responsibilities. This irritates and frustrates me. What is so scary for me is living in same generation not finding consistent and respectful young adults. It very difficult to form teams, create deliverables from action items, and relationships.

I grew up living with social anxiety and depression because I didn't learn about resilience and self-control. I learned myself who I am, being quirky and unique. Also I realised that having natural social and communication connections are super important to me. It helps me maintaining my health and wellbeing. It very difficult to accept that is now a luxury dream to achieve.

So what we should do? We need to stop relying on media and technology that driving factors of short attention span. Don't compare yourself with others. You look beautiful. Forget about buying too much fashion that make you 'think' you look better. Having higher number of sexual partners will not win you. Quirky and unique people are intelligent, patient and smart, please be friends and romantise them!