What is like being alone?

This is a big ask for everyone who doesn't understand why and how I feel alone. Many Aspies I know are always being alone, sometimes they being lonely. I feel lonely more than alone these days because I only have one best mate who is only person I hang out - usually once or twice a fortnight for a day. Other times I do hang out with my family, which that is also important people to be with.

So, being lonely is a factor to depression and anxiety of the person. I spent most of my teenagers and young adult years feeling like this. Honestly I can tell you why I feel like this - Aspies like myself, usually don't have enough compliments nor many friends to be in company with. Each time I spent time lonely is when I feel being stuck and that makes me like got nothing to do. My brain function shuts down to neuro-static state; makes me feel stubborn. There are many results I experienced this, as a factor -

• trying to find something to do when some interests/passion isn't available to play with
• conserving efforts to find people to hang out with, but the rejection is a cause of being uncomfortable - (this is where able bodied people don't understand how Aspies when being approached)
• lack of resources to deal with - such as employment and community facilities (availability as well)

Now, in general we all don't want to be depressed or anxious; but remember there are people out there who wants to deal with same thing as you do. Why not bother with them? Many times when I feel lonely, I always seek something to do that is actually proves the result of being positive. I am so sick and tired of able bodied people telling me 'chin up' and 'don't be negative' all the time. This does not get me anywhere. My mind is not what your mind is thinks. When I was a kid, few times I tend to get upset or hurt there always people approached me especially my family always cheer me up by actually DOING SOMETHING with me! Not verbally telling me what to do. My mind cannot change unless something positive to happen.

I am very honest and resourceful kind of person because I know I don't want to hurt other people feelings. What so ever makes them feel lonely, depressed or anxious. I don't do that. BUT, when I observe people feeling down (from my experiences I have done with before) I always get him/her to feel happy again when I make a move; for instance - I said 'everything is ok, but remember what you are now is a positive thing'....etc.............then I took him/her out to do things with as a compliment. This is a way how Aspies should be treated as well.

The main point of this loneliness should not be an excuse of another person, because it will make things worse. When you see someone is being alone or lonely, please always and always check on with them. You may ended up having a good day! I would LOVE to have someone do that to me because I know it does help to build my confidence up. At this point of time, I will also learn how to appreciate people. I really hope everyone reads this blog make a great change of their life of knowing someone who has been lonely recently. Please make our people a better world :)

Getting excited!

Life is exciting isn't it? Of course. When something is happening to me brings good results I tend to become excited. Excitement makes my blood flow stronger and the flows of 'goodness' into my head. I love it when this happens. I am not sure able bodied people feel a same thing?

Why I am looking forward to something which is exciting to me? Because, I want to be positive person. Everytime, when things involves me; for example - barracking a football team I support, severe thunderstorm approaches towards me as my passion of nature, visiting to see somebody and vice versa. After a while I spend time being alone doing things for myself such as recapping life, chores and personal development/mentality, I tend to look more forward to be involved with other people, nature and passion.

Before I finally hang out with a person or in a group my positive energy builds up. Like hanging out with my mate, few friends and family members. My excitement goes beyond my mind. I tend to become uncontrollably humourous and ecstatic. When comes to these situations I always enlighten and brings positivism the other person. Is this what able bodied people is looking forward to? Do they want to consume my excitable and humourous energy to make themselves happier and understanding?

Excitement which brings positivism very important for me because I have to avoid being depressed or mentally unwell. I am sure other people would feel a same in this way. Lot of times I spent worrying why other people don't want to consume my positivism. Everyone told me, in reality, always say don't be negative. Is that what they want? Wanting me to stay positive? Be manageable about that!

I LOVE spending times being excited because it helps my chemicals feeling in my body to stay positive and mentally capable as long as it can. Big question is, is this a big attractive thing of myself to be welcomed by other people especially able bodied people to hang out with me since I am being so reflective on positivism manners? The longer I stay positive including externalities is the better I understand from the able bodied's side of the world. I want to understand that side because I want to be respectful and forgiving. My body want to be so clear and sure about the perceptions and differences.

I am looking forward to spend time with people because I am funny, exciting and attractive kind of person :)

Giving up hope?

Depression, anxiety and stress is one of common factors plays in a typical Aspie lifestyle. Why? There is way too much pressure in language, social and environmental barriers between an Aspie and able-bodied perspectives.

I am battling through these scenarios. I have sought to give up on many things which seem I LOVED to do that would be successful to me. Why I give up? I cannot handle too much pressure from able bodied people's perspective because they kept pushing and shoving me my opportunities away. The way how able bodied people communicates with me is very scary because I can sense negative attitude by the way how they react and respond to me.

As a result, I have left many social groups and stop talking to people whose does not bothered to contact me again. It is every day I face these issues. But, I am also certain that some able bodied people feels a same as well as Aspies. The problem is, how people can behave better in their own way before communicating with me so I won't feel depressive again? No one will know how to find a solution.

I don't like wasting my time and on one specific thing at a time because it dragging my positivism down by what I am hoping to be successful. I tend to work so hard and experience tiring efforts being a successful person everyday whilst finding something that I wanted to do. The longer I spend trying hard on something,  the more chances I tend to give up hope about it because I haven't recieved any positive results from it. Why I have to spend too much time trying things whilst negative results kept coming to me? Aspies like me do not like negative things. I am on two sides facing negative things - one is spending too much time trying for one specific thing, and two is getting a rejection at first time.

I think the problem is how able bodied people understand how I feel about this. They seem so effortlessly and uncertain of how to help. I am curious about this because they have fully functional brain and its' capable to understand everything, even more things than Aspies do. Like what I have spoken in previous blog entry, 'Am I hungry for a change?', I am seeking change in able bodied's attitudes towards me so they tend to be helpful towards me.

Most days I kept searching and searching whilst being positive for things I ENJOY the most that makes me feel happier and helps me to forget about negative things. Lot of friends (maybe some are not really friends) reject me with assumptions (but some have good reasonings) to hang out with me. The more the person reject me is the less I be confident to speak with. This drags me down a lot. My depression gets worse after a while when spending time to find a solution to over come this. I have same issue with finding employment as well. I used to constantly searching jobs, nowadays after getting rejected a lot is the lesser I spend time applying jobs. My confidence drags down a lot because rejections and losing hope does not provide opportunities.

Aspies like me feel like have nothing to do, and have no solution to find ways to over come problems. Able bodied's people world are easily influence our (Aspies) way of life. I am not happy to say this it is not on for the way how able bodied people treat Aspies like this. I rights to be myself like you unless able bodied people accept the way how I feel and want to seek change. It is an unfortunate that depression does negatively effect on friendships because it lets their confidence down on opportunities to provide me. But they do aware that I have no opportunities to experience since all of the rejections in the first place?

Its' up for able bodied people to say to provide opportunities for Aspies (the ones who have no life and depression) to give chance to live life. You may face a life sentence.