Socially isolated

Its time I feel like to share my experiences of being socially isolated. These are always hard times for me. It makes me feel uncomfortable and not capable in the society. My hearing loss impacts this, and ASD also heavily impact on this. We all know that many able bodied people do not understand the feelings of a person who is intended of being socially isolated; because they can't see what is happening with him/her and don't know how to approach them. This picture illustrates the mainstream society is not bothering with the person who is isolated because they have no knowledge of actions.

From my experiences, being socially isolated occurs during hanging out with group of friends, at the meetings especially with the interest groups and not being invited to do something with people (follow on etc). Two challenges I am facing in this perspective: mishearing people's speech and missing out on key body language gestures. In general I do not overly understand people's speech 100% of the time its because the person's speech may be limited, influence of accent tone, not showing their faces to me, talking too fast and terrible form of shaping. However, I am extremely good at lipreading at same time as listening because the nerves in my brain helps me to think twice of interpreting the sound by shape of the words. When I am listening to someone whose is very clear and clarifying, these are times when I am comfortable and relaxed. For instance; at one of my lecture classes this semester, this lecturer is very approachable to me because he makes sure I understand him. Many times his speech is very clear and precise. Listening carefully does improve your performance on something!

I do know that my ASD also affects this too because when feel being an outlier of conversations, since the fact I couldn't hear people, it makes me become anxious and frustrated. This anxiety (one of symptoms of ASD) makes me think someone is not bothered to communicate with me or let me be involved; despite without letting me know if I am being invited or following on. During my undergraduate at JCU I experienced this everyday. I tried to approach to people about my hearing loss that I need clear, face-to-face communication and follow-on. Unfortunately this did not happened. I spent three years in a demise, no one contacted me to tag along with them nor say hello to me. I felt very upset as I felt like being discriminated against. From my viewpoint, I can see how people in the group teemed to focus talking a lot to someone who is capable of hearing to be in engaged.

I never ever met any new friend after my mate Dylan (who has been for entire life), and my family helped me to understand social situations and what other person has said. This current situation it makes me think I never made any new friend. I thought I made more chances of meeting people who have similar approach and/or reaction going through two universities and almost a year of working holiday trip in USA. Nothing has changed since. But what I have changed is to avoid people who kept avoiding me in conversations especially one on one! They still fend off! This make me think 'wonder why he/she does that?'

Now I am mature person and I am learnt to prepare situations like this. For instance speaking to new people about awaring my hearing loss and I required effective communication; i.e. lipreading, Auslan if required and good pace. Most of the times it is successful, but over the time it tend to fade out. People forget or not being bothered to do the tactic. This is one of moment I feel socially isolated. I am drowned out. Consequently, people with disabilities in reality do not cure like many able bodied people think they do. 

I spent thousands of years as long as the world's deaf awareness programs trying to improve communication between deaf/hard of hearing and hearing people. It is very challenging, but we can't do this on our own. I really can't ask people to help me to hear things as they imagine but I am asking people to be aware. It doesn't matter to be a friend but remember I have to hear things because it part of learning. Also having ASD is like a double whammy to my personal skills because my hearing affects on things that I try to engage - what the person have said etc. It stops me from learning new things.

New challenges & environment

Well it has been a while since my last story of my life. Past few months it has been busy. I have been through transitioning from a regional area to a major city for my postgraduate degree and industry experience. I never lived in a city, ever experience 'busy' lifestyle and determine how capable I am to blend into new environment.

So this what I got to face the new challenges and environment. First university degree up in Townsville and my living experiences over in the US has brought me experiences of what 'life' is all about. The key challenges I am facing today, especially in Brisbane at a world's most reknown university, University of Queensland - are culture, commuting, higher degree and research skills and balancing life. One of these parameters I have already experienced; such as culture from the US by meeting new people and making relationships with different backgrounds. Since the fact I never lived in a city before, it drives me to develop further experience in a new environment which I am expecting meeting a lot of new friends especially with similar interests.

When I was studying Environmental Science at JCU, I was struggling to find ways to help my confidence in making new friends. In a common sense nature, Aspies usually struggle find friends and relationships with people who have similar interests as you or no matter. Unfortunately I haven't made a single friend from either classes and student clubs. So this what made me to think of why this is happening; thus difference in lifestyles between a regional and city universities.

At UQ, I find it so easy to get along with people are from my classes and student clubs as well as professional groups who have similar interests and passion as me. During the first two weeks of classes, it was a culture shock because it was overwhelming. I have used my confidence, generous attitudes and friendly approaches for whole time. I believed it is working this time around. It was very different when that the world used to be 'against' me; I was curious why I was rejected by so many people.

So the challenges I am facing now is social anxiety and developing relationships. Aspies are prone to this, even if their social and working life is active. I still feel anxious of what is happening in the environment between myself and other friends, this also applies in classes. At JCU I had a lot of bad reactions from people that I am feeling uncomfortable with the environment, but today their approaches are opposite. People tend to become easy to comfort themselves and let me feel comfortable with the environment as well. It may be the case that its a large city, a large university and my position with other postgraduate groups who are much older than previously studied. Some friends I met from either classes and student groups are much older than me. This world showed me sense of maturity and respect.

I used to ask advice from many people about how I go with my friendship with them. Lately, not so much. Once and that is all. Despite people have feelings as well. I feel more normal when come to that situation. Sometimes I feel bad for missing out on things even new friends I made with. I believe that is a norm in a new environment.