Communication and challenges

Hi readers,

It hasn't been awhile since my last post. My life got busy in past two months. I finally found a spare time today to express myself about the communication and its' challenges. Everybody in general I find communication is a challenge. Whether you have disabilities or not, the challenges is happening.

My frustrations with communication is highly reflective of poor awareness of understanding my challenges. It quite difficult to understand different communication strategies when you meet people. Although as I have English as second language, dyslexia, hearing loss, autism and sensory issues I find myself challenged in the conversation environment. A suitable environment for myself should eliminate the communication challenges that upon reflects from my disabilities.

My poor writing and grammatical sense is influenced from dyslexia which is a coincidental issue from autism or Aspergers. My hearing loss is part of listening and speaking skills. Combination of those is impacting on my lifestyle heavily. Especially in a social environment where I meet people. I find it very hard to meet right people to communicate with. There may be lack of awareness or understanding this what causes my isolation of not communicating with people.

My sensory issues also impacting my suitability of the environment. For instance, going to a loud and noisy environments like bars/clubs, music festivals, high traffic areas and thereof I find communicating is very impossible. The only way I can communicate in these sort of environment is in Auslan. However, the noise of the environment can impact in my senses; which that gives me headache. My brain cannot process multitasking especially in these situations. Likewise in group conversations where many people are talking at the same time, my mind cannot process that. I have faced lot of forced reactions from my friends conversations whereas they couldn't wish to communicate with me. This is part of me, thus pressuring me into social isolation. Here a series of some pictures illustrating my experiences.

You can see what happens in these illustrations. See what you think it happened in each of those?
1. antisocial reactions from the person doesn't want to continue the conversation by asking repeats. This is a huge turn off, and its very offensive for any deaf and hard of hearing person. People do want to know, at least they are trying to listen to you.
2. Assertive communication cycle - I have trouble maintaining this cycle, whether the person is passive it makes me feel aggressive about it.
3. Group conversations becomes out of hand. Lot of people talking at the same time, speaking at irregular pace and tones. Its too overwhelming for a deaf and hard of hearing person. This is not a normal conversation. I learned not to overtalk people, because it is rude.
4. Pathways - I tend to struggle to choose from what best ways to socialise people in suitable environments. People and friends tend to reject these outcomes. I find this very disrespectful to judge the person's communication barriers by selective social environments.

Hope you all understand.

My mind and the world

When I grew up, I have been greatly inspired by so many role models that shaped my mind. Mozart, Galileo, Einstein, Mandela, Obama, Temple Grandin, Bob Marley and other passionate well known people. We have shaped the world today by brilliant and bright minded people. I am one scientist, a postgraduate student in environmental management enjoying making the world to be more sustainable, and work together as in one globe sharing our problems and inspire children about the enjoyment of life.

When I was a young boy, I spent so much time on imagining things. I set up a mini city out of legos pretending in reality with toy cars. I also drew a lot of imaginative environments. I rarely spend time outside my world of imagination. This greatly reflects on who I am today. I love thinking, visually and express them towards to a sustainable world. I draw, write and express about globalisation of all world's problems to be solved. During high school and early university years, I struggled in writing because of my influence from hearing loss, which that slowed down my communication skills when I grew up.

Writing are best expressions for me today where I learned that my friends and other bloggers can read helps themselves to be inspired and learn new things. In reality, when communicating with my family and friends it can be difficult at times. My mind, in a very different pattern is actually reflects on their confusion and misinterpretation. I believe there are two realities in the world, upon these reflections:

1. Socially inept world with no intelligence
2. Intelligent world with no social skills

We all cannot balance these two things together, because if we focus on creation and support there will be no social pattern. However, we can alleviate the problems of miscommunication and misinterpretation by mentoring. Mentoring is a great way for myself to learn social skills through friends. I could not live with the world without family and friends. Everyone, no matter if they have ASD or not. We are all require learning skills, at stages through our lives. I find myself in more intelligent and talented world. This is what I am being told by lot of people, including strangers. My quirks can be confusing to the non ASD minds, because I express myself differently to a same point.

I have come across to a lot of banters and denials from people I met in my life of why I actually require effective social skills to be employed and making friends. It is extremely unfair for a person, with talents and intelligence to be left out of the opportunities. The world before disabilities and diversity awareness from the mid 1990's, there were so many famous people who created the world we have today.

Emerson, Derain [the painter], Degas [the painter], Caravaggio [the painter], Charles Dickens, most of the Beatles, Beethoven, Canova, Thomas Carlyle, Henri Cross, Henri Corbin, Leonardo da Vinci, Max Ernst, Escher, Gauss, Lennart Green [the magician on this site], William Hazlitt, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Victor Hugo, Jim Carrey, Paul Kammerer, Paul Klee, Krishnamurti, Ernst Mach, Millais, Modigliani, Robert Monroe, Edvard Munch, Nietzsche, Max Planck, Henri Poincare, Joseph Priestley, Rubens, John Ruskin, Saint Saens, Sting, Tchaikovsky, Thoreau, W B Yeats......and many more who you may think who have done great things are far more likely have ASD.

Famously, Einstein, Tesla and Mozart also have ASD if they are diagnosed today. So, in today's world. Bill Gates, Temple Grandin and Jim Carrey are current idols also have ASD. They are inspiring people, but at the same time is socially accepted because their gifts is rewarding the world in a better place. Bill Gates gave you computers.

I feel like I am in a same situation. Whether I am going through young age of life working on the pathway where I seek opportunities for my enjoy inspiring more people about environment and sustainability. I am really hopeful I have come across to more acceptance that will make my world go around. For myself, being happy, want to set an example to inspire the reality of my life with uniqueness inspire younger generations. I want to live in a sustainable world, help and support sustainable development initiatives, get married and have a family of my own and that. These are my values, reflects on my positive energy and excitement to what I am enjoying myself intelligently.

Values to overcome negativity

Over last couple of weeks I have been down to anxiety and depression. Why I am feeling this? There are downtimes of my Asperger traits faces so many challenges from the mainstream society where that not everyone totally understands my quirks. Of course everyone in the world experiences negativity from the external impacts especially name calling, stereotypes, social exclusion and rejections. I have experienced this on a larger demand due to different quirks in less comparable to my friends. The way how I approach people is different than what you expect from the non-aspies.

I have learn so much from the non-aspie world including from the circles of friends where they have listened my expressions and share experiences of our feelings. It is a wonderful experience for me to listen my friends who have been through their lives. This made think of what is going on. This is not all about myself as being one. I am not the only one with these experiences. In May (2015), I was recommended to join a Meetup group to meet new people outside of my university to meet a group of people who have similar life experiences. These people I met are truly amazing, as I believe the world is not negative after all.

When I expressed my feelings and shared my perspective of living with Aspergers to my friends, they were happily listening my experiences and determine to understand where I am coming from. This is a greatest opportunity for an aspie person to learn the NT perspective where we can overcome the social miscommunication. I spent my entire life on trying to find ways how to overcome my social anxiety, miscommunication scenarios and negativity - just until more recently where I started to express my feelings and listened to my friends. I am proudly developed new values of assertion and people's listening skills by learning my friends' experiences and perspectives. I find this is a way to get out of negativity trap where I spent living with it for past 5-6 years. The initial strategy that convinced me to do this is I learned that there are many people out there in the world, including my friend circles experiences same problems on the struggles of finding close friends, relationships, and social chances. Most of the Gen-Y experiences anxiety and depression, in addition to sucidial thoughts and other blame game as a common misconception I have been through this, and this has alerted me that some of my friends as well.

This has stopped me from doing anything to myself and to other people. I waited for an opportunity to overcome this by sharing experiences with friends. Their expressions has reflected on my experiences. I have been through negativity of not finding a girlfriend and wanting to be socially included. My previous approaches determined was desperate, or you may think it just a wrong way of doing it. My friends pointed this out critically and this also stopped from me doing the same strategy.

I have found myself in love, after several compliments from my friends saying I have a great and living in a positive life. Showing that I am doing better than most people (not trying to be on the top of the world from this point!). This reflected that I am going through the times that I am enjoying myself and doing things for myself before important things to come. The positive insights. It attracts people. It attracts potential and new opportunities. It also attracts of finding a relationship. Now I am not ashamed of myself living with disabilities and I want to convey that I am living with it in fully capable ways. The positive strategies has helped me to find what I want in life. Especially what I want in a women. I learned that she has to be good at social skills, where she would able to help me to improve on the scenarios, she would be understanding of perspectives and able to forgive my mistakes. I also recommended myself to meet a potential partner in the likes of those values are out in more sociable environment.

Remember, learning about yourself, doesn't matter if you have disabilities or what not, you are allowed to forgive errors and learn new opportunities. This is a way of learning about yourself, in terms of what values you have, in reflection of what values of your potential friends and partner. The world is not lonely as what you think. You got to be out there more often. Don't waste your time missing out on the opportunities. Life is about learning new things and also experiences different things. Use your life as an experience of everything.

Not knowing that I misread cues

If you are reading this, just bear with me I am a little down while trying to express myself. Please respect that.

There were hundred of social situations I been that I did not know that I misread the social cues. It is a problem that I do not know of it. It seems that its causing all of my family and friends blaming on me because I totally ruin their social moods because I did not know that I misread the social cues. How I suppose to know if I am reading the situation clearly before I get upset when I do not know I am making a mistake or making a fool of myself?

After reading several threads on Wrong Planet forums website (for people with ASD). I seen so many threads stating that guys having same problem with me. They are being turned down on social meetings, one-on-one meeting with women, failed to read the current reality of the social situations and being upset that someone point at them that they are doing something is wrong which being offensive to non ASD people. By knowing this its upsets me because it seems I have been making a fool of myself for whole life without knowing the social situations I play part.

There are few people told me that from their perspective is that I am socially confident. They meant that I hug women, being out of comfort zone so many times and talk to strangers upfront without anxiety. Unfortunately after I realised that I have been misreading the social situations/cues during the time I am being confident, this eventually made me to become anxious. I have developed this in past two weeks because it hurts me a lot when I realise that I am not fully capable to read situations.

I don't care I have disabilities when I'm socially confident, but now being labeled wrong and pointed out I am doing all the wrong things. I don't know what all of my family and friends think of me while I am being socialising but at the end of the day I am being told I read the situation wrong. I really do want to enjoy my life without using my disabilities into the context, but upon reflection of other people confusion and misintepretations made me to use it because they make a big deal of a problem where I spoil happy situations. I fear of my anger and sadness ruins someone mood.

Here are some true life examples of what happened from my view that why it is happening:

Are women turning me down from postponing, cancelling, or not responding for a first meet up? I don't know what is going on here, but in my life it happens to every single time when I initiate interest or make a development of friendship and whatever from there. I read this familiar topic on Wrong Planet forum website, there are so many ASD guys being victimised of this situation. So, what is going on here? Absolutely no idea, so do they say do not know why and what causing this. From my perspective, as being a typical male human being it is natural to make a move or initiate something. But I don't know what I did is wrong, even to the point misreading the situation when I didn't know I was misreading the situation at the same time. I really want to know the answers from the non ASD female's perspectives to explain to me why they are doing this, especially in a reoccurring scenario. I find my age rather surprising to see how immature I am in this situation. I believe this is a concerning assumption from the female perspective seeing me in a creepy or stalking way to invade their spaces or their lives. This comes across a wrong way because I wasn't intentionally stalking or making anyone uncomfortable. I thought I was friendly and want to make a move? I don't know where this accusations comes from?

Missing out on social events is another situation that I am frustrated with. Many friends want me to not focus on their movements to what social events they are going especially similar interests as I would like to go too. I am very uncomfortable of going to a social event where I do not know anyone in same place. It becomes a death trap challenge where I would like to meet someone new to talk to and make a move by friendship or relationships. Especially of similar interests, I would rather to be comfortable being with friends that knows me at the similar interest event or scenario. I don't know what my friends' perspective on me of going by myself and getting in rather uncomfortable situation. I used to step out of my comfort zone many times especially in the past year, but more recently I started to become anxious since that I have been accused of being socially retarded, self centred and seeing people walking away from me while I am in the circle. I cannot read this social situations of why this is causing a problem. That why I became uncomfortable. I am very 110% sure that other ASD people are familiar to this situation it because there are like 1 in a million of people totally understands me. It is extremely rare to come across a person who socially understands me. Going places and that I love to go and do things I want is something I wish to be confident for myself.

So what I have learned from my Group 4 Health workshops at my university lately is the difference of a person's health and wellbeing between having a high social connection to a low social connection. The image from the workbook is below.

This image is rather scary and daunting to me. Looking at my current life situation I am in between the low and high social connection. Why I am feeling this? I have social anxiety as it is part of my disabilities. Also it the people are not wholly or fully accepting of who I am since they easily miscommunicate and misinterpret me. But the bright side is that I have more friends that what I used to have in my life. This is rather challenging. I wish everyone understand me and other ASD people about having these challenges. I don't want to live on a shorter life nor getting involved with alcohol and drugs. I know that I am smarter than this. I want a thriving life that I really do know I am having it. Sometimes I thought I do but tends to get me confused because of ongoing miscommunication and misinterpretations between myself and the friends.

I have expressed myself many times to everyone I know for a while. It seems rather emotionally draining to everyone who is listening to me and giving me advices. I think this is an issue where that I realised they do not fully understand my life perspective of why I am feeling this. Been going to counselors and psychologists for many years. I have worked on myself to improve my wellness through awareness. Though I am there. But it just lacking of two way traffic between myself and everyone else because of clarity issues.

Like many people in the world always wanted a high social connection life where reading and using effective social skills is easy. But it is complicated, I do know that. Probably not as good as my writing and speech which is being impaired by my disabilities. My apologises if you didn't understand this journal article.

When my friends help me

First of all I wouldn't call myself the luckiest person in the world, since it is unfair for other people. Having friends is good, and that's what you need in our lives. People who are there for you and share life experiences with you. I always see my friends being like my family, who treat and respects me in the same way. Every time I feel down, or turned down, I usually accuse my friends for not doing the right things to me. But, that is not true. More recently, I noticed that there is a gap between my perspective and my friends' perspectives. What I call them neurotypical, or NTs, which means the non-ASD brain.

The difference between NTs and ASD-brain is huge, but still function in a same way. The perspective on communication and interpretation is different. When my friends always try to comfort me every time when I am sad. They are trying their best to work on it, since that their perspective is different. The majority of the time they cannot fix things, because of the way it goes. In the past week I have learned so much about my friends' perspectives, even though I let them get to know my perspective. I feel so happy for them asking me about my perspectives. This makes me feel I am included in their perspective, and the society more.

In the last few days my frustration with miscommunication and body language issues that take toll on my capabilities, my friends always try to make me comfortable. It quite reflective, because they care about my feelings. They are also very curious about my ASD's perspective, getting this to happen. In the last five years, since my undergraduate degree, I never had any opportunity like this today. I feel more confident than before, even when I express my feelings and tell friends (and my family) of why I am in this situation. Today, I see that everybody has their own problems especially the able bodied people; so I am not alone and so do everybody else. This reflects the no normal world.

If the world tries to be normal (which that's unlikely to happen), everyone will still complain about the issues. Many ASD people I met always complain. I know I have complained, because our perspectives, see the world is normal for the non-ASD people. I see that all of my friends have more abilities than myself. I am aware of that. Many times I tend to be jealous or even anxious about something bad to happen. But hey, anxiety happens to everybody these days aye? My friends spoke to me about their anxiety, when come to worry about something that could impact their lives. I am not alone.

I feel special when I share these moments with my friends. It makes me feel mutually closer, by understanding their perspectives more and be very comfortable with many scenarios. I always love to make my friends special, but I struggle trying to do that because of the communication barriers. I turned down a few times when I do the assertive thing, that's where I get jealous or antisocial. That is the challenge because I know they are trying so hard to figure me out. At the same time, I am trying to figure them out! This sounds funny?

So, there are few times I feel a little excluded because of my friends' experiences. I am not trying to say here it is a competition or something, but from my perspective, I feel that the limits on my challenges from my ASD-brain is making it difficult to get the same experience as them. This makes me jealous and anxious. As many you aware that I tend to feel the discomfort that there are things I wanted to do and live with it that would make me happy because my friends have done them. My perspective sees this differently, what that the challenges are on a different difficulty level. I know it is harder for me because of communication barriers. Even though why women turned me down because they heavily rely on effective communication. I thought of this unfair, because like I said before there is no normal world. Nothing is perfect, right?

If you tell me this that is not perfect, to be with someone because of their own problems or barriers. Then why see that so huge deal? So this where I realised that people have their own issues to figure out before learning about other people. So I am not concerned about that anymore because I am thankful for my friends telling me this is not a problem because of their own issues being worked out where it doesn't mean the end of the world. They wanted to work out their own issues before moving on. They want to improve. They do not want to hurt someone else. This is a huge challenge for me, as being an ASD-male because my brain is wired differently than the non-ASD people.

I am thankful for the support.
I am thankful for caring me.
I am thankful to have an opportunity to share experiences with you.
I am thankful of enjoying time with you.
and, I am thankful for being me.

The aspect of my life

THE ASPECT OF MY LIFE

Written by Mathew Townsend

Age: 24
Occupation: Postgraduate student at The University of Queensland
Awareness profile: Hearing loss - profound (right) to severe (left); low level spectrum of ASD.

Life goals:

• Sustainable Development/Environmental Manager
• Role model 
• Family and children
• Living off-grid

What is the story of my world?

Perspectives. This is a big influence on my life. Critical thinking, problem solving and assertiveness is one of the major factors I face everyday. Hearing loss at the same time of having a mild case of ASD is challenging with the crowd of strangers, friends and families. I am curious when I'm learning about something, being extroverted, to my family and friends of their lives is that something I enjoy company with. Misinterpretation and miscommunication are the biggest influence in my relationships and friendships. The way I see and think is different to the majority in a same point.

But, the barrier are the criticisms and assumptions. From my perspective; misinterpretations of body language, facial expressions and listening to people are falsely dichotomous. These are my weakness in terms of communication, verbally and non-verbally in conjunction to cause discomfort of able bodied friends, families and strangers. Since when falsely dichotomous, the development of relationship and friendship comes to the halt.  This is where misinterpretation occurs. I may see them offensively, but when I spread awareness, it make others to feel offended.

Why? A disability doesn't mean we are different unless we think differently. My brain is wired in this way. Autistic brains are part of 'rewired' thoughts and interpretations of the external world. But this is based on different levels. My level is mild, but the reaction process is evident based on the able bodied perspectives. The next section will highlight my examples of the scenarios where the issues occur and what should have happened.

The specifications

1. I am socially curious: in relation to my hearing loss, I am always curious about wanting to know what is 'going on'. In many situations I tend to miss a lot of information, my behaviour becomes reflective of the situation when I am asking people questions about what is going on and why is this happening. This often misinterpreted as stalking.
2. I enjoy conversations within myself: this leads to social misinterpreted as self centred or self hypothetical by the able bodied people. Many people like myself enjoy being engaged in conversations because my mind feels comfortable. These scenarios can be evidently made others feel uncomfortable, depending on the topic, but mostly move on, such as walking away from the situation which it appears to be rude.
3. Sorry, I can't hear: yes indeed that my hearing loss can cause miscommunication when engaging conversations. When people see me wearing hearing aids and come across say I have a superhuman hearing. This is a common sense mistake, when able bodied people fall into reality without acknowledgement of awareness. Hearing aids helps me to hear the sound, but it does not mean I can hear the speech clearly.
4. I want it too: this often mistaken as desperate. My ASD traits usually makes me think harder about facing the challenges of wanting to have something, or get involved. This is also seen as jealous. This is because my mind tells me it is difficult to overcome, as it is a multi-case scenario when it should happen. For instance, I want to be in a photo too, so I know I am involved; or I would like to have a girlfriend because I like sharing experiences with someone. I am entirely uncertain of what the able bodied perspectives on these scenarios, but I would like to hear from those.
5. What is going on?: this is a similar case for socially curious, but it about the body language, facial expressions and social circle movement. From my perspective, I am not confident of this because of anxiety which is part of ASD's symptoms. Anxiety comes to the point of misinterpretations and miscommunications (when verbally). There are many scenarios I am wondering why he/she leave the room of the event or group conversation. Other times I wonder why their facial expressions are not reflective of mine. These scenarios do not make me uncomfortable, but it makes me feel less confident of the social situation. I am not sure of the able bodied perspectives on these scenarios, but I am happy to review on this.

Lets be together and make assertions

I am hoping the world come together and become as one. I understand there are many disabilities as seen complex issues to the able bodied world, but we also see you all complex as well because of misinterpretations and miscommunication situations. But don't get me wrong on this, it is no one fault. People are far more likely to resolve the conflicts and apologise or make faith. I am happy to learn from my mistakes, at the same time improve understanding of social scenarios. This is more positive and proactive approach to create an assertive, social environment between diversities. I am always wondering what's on the minds of able bodied people think that disabilities can be cured and these people can overcome these challenges by their selves? I am afraid to say this, this is not a case.


We need to build trust and faith in someone, for instance, where there is no accessibility for a person in a wheelchair to see a movie. People are mostly forgotten the core aspect of the differences. This is the most common mistake from the perceptions of the mainstream society when everything is expected to be 'normal'. Unfortunately, there is no normal. But we all can make the world to be normal if we create a safe environment for everyone, with their differences. Working samples are very difficult, I am also in your situation as well when how I try to engage in conversation with someone with different forms of communication. Observably I have often seen people become impatient towards a person with a stutter or with cerebral palsy. I am not sure why being patient is a case here?

In conclusion, I am not expecting everyone to fully understand these above mentioned scenarios from my life but I am hoping for solidarity. Is it a very nice and positive way to think everyone needs and their importance for inclusion in the society? I enjoy situations when I observe positive moments with other people, like a helping hand. I am looking forward to learn more from your perspectives!

My experiences on social environment

Hello readers. I have written many pieces relating to my social experiences recently but I am going to collaborate and clarify my experiences in social environment. The two factors that influences my social life are - my hearing loss which affects my hearing on listening people's speeches and clarity; mild case of ASD which influences on my social skills, body language and understanding people's boundaries and rules. Both factors comes together, becomes more difficult than I thought. Finding someone around the world having both a hearing loss and being Aspie is extremely rare. Does that surprise you? How you feel about that? Are you aware of it?

However, I rarely disclose my ASD until later when I becoming comfortable with people including employers and new friends especially at UQ. Despite that, my hearing loss is visual thing because my hearing aids is easily seen by people, and their speech clarity are not always clear to me thus asking for clarification. I don't take a much huge deal on being an Aspie because my experiences recently has shown that I am living my life more successful than a typical Aspie. I met a quite few of them and they have not done things nor have things as much I do. So, I feel safe to say I am proud of myself to my achievements I have done and meeting people is something I do better than before.

Personally I have been to counselling, trainings, seminars and meetings in relation to my disabilities for ten years. I have gained a lot of confidence from my efforts to attend those. Meanwhile I have been improving in managing self eestem, anger and trust. So recently it did seem working. However, my hearing loss does not change the way of how people to speak with me. Many cases that hearing people becomes a miscommunication issue whilst engaging a conversation with me. I met one lecturer this semester at UQ, from day one of the classes I had to approach to speak with him about my awareness in hearing loss and his acknowledgment of my student access plan from my advisors. His reaction appears to be confused, nor does not fully understand the process. This has come to the point I realised that not everyone in the world will understand the aspects of people with hearing loss. It such a shame because how I felt about this including from my experiences I miss out on engaging with people.

You can see this example shows such a huge influence in my social life. As being an Aspie is another thing, but I don't go on too much about it since the fact I am smarter than this since I have learnt so much about social skills and the rules around it. So, it also indeed affects non-aspies to understand my approaches, different perspective on life and the skills I maintain. This is also an everyday life experience. Whether people know I have it or not, it have no such difference made in terms of reactions and approaches. This is because it is invisible disability, where that people tend to judge the mental difference side of it rather than judging the disability itself. From my experiences I have seen many people's reactions becomes quickly judgmental basing on my social and communication skills. Numerous times I have been stereotyped as being a kid, having a mental disorder and labelled in disregarding language from opposite sex. Being victismed!

The combination of both disabilities becomes very difficult to my social life. The challenge itself does not tend to change unless the society accepts who I am. I have learnt to ignore and disregard many able bodied people's rudeness, impoliteness and discriminative languages. Most times when I meet new friends, stays with them for several weeks later. I have seen observations from their reactions and body language becomes more complex. These situations makes me uncomfortable because it may show that they may not enjoy my company. To recap on my values; I am a happy, self orientated, friendly, proactive and nice human being. I do not like hurting people nor negative influences on them. So since the fact of showing my personalities to new friends I have met over time(s), people becomes less friendly and proactive which observably different to other people. I find this unfair, telling myself what I did is wrong and why they do that to me. I never had a single answer for this cause.

As I know considering my disabilities controlling of my life is a negative influence, I am not taking a big deal on this. I always wanted to know why and what is going on in many circumstances from making new friends and engaging in conversations. From the past, I learnt that obsessions becomes a negative outcome when communicating with people. So I ticked that off. Since my move to Brisbane, I tried different and new things, approaches and environments. It does seem working this time because I haven't had any negative objections compared from my previous experiences. However, the problem is still there. I tend to observe the differences of why people becomes less in touch and proactive with me. Likewise these situations I experiencing such as: why friends don't invite me to things anymore? Why that person is not responding to me anymore? Why they sit in different positions in classes than regularly? Why friends tend to forget about my hearing loss? And so on.......

So these questions comes to me everyday, and never being answered. This is what and how I see from my perspective. What is going on? Why this is happening? There are two things I may come to mind: 1) the person becomes more stubborn or 2) I may have done something wrong without knowing it. It would be such a wonderful world if people in general becomes more caring, be out there for others and share life experiences together. Do you agree with this? Would you like to see people becomes less judgmental and passive aggressive?

My life right now is enjoyable. I am experiencing new things and trying differently. I am enjoyng Brisbane and my university. But that is not it, miscommunication between myself and the mainstream is still occuring.

Aspies may be normal after all

This has been a admiring topic over past few days for me when I come cross to social development issues in debate with technology development. As the world we know it is becoming more dependent on technology, the development appears as an unit of influence towards the mainstream society where people learn the non social side of it. Aspies have social skills and relationship issues which is normal in general. But what about able bodied people have same issues, under influence of technology use such as watching too much television, mobile phones, addiction on alcohol, drugs, online social media and so on? Are able bodied people getting some signs of ASD, ADHD and other sort of mental illness as well as Aspies experiencing?

Sending out disability awareness has been on the rise since the introduction of unnecessary technology, I can see the trend of increasing awareness organisations for all disability matters, women and young children, sexuality and globalisation issues just as much people are experiencing problems whose does not respect the minorities.

I can call myself as a minority like other Aspies to the mainstream society because able bodied people see us as independent and 'outliers' due to the challenges. From my perspective, I believe able bodied people is having some signs of mental health issues by applying disregard of disability awareness acknowledgements, denying on facts and stereotypical attitudes. I feel so bad when come to these situations which I experienced every single day in my life. I am getting used to this because I understand why they do it to me. I am not saying that able bodied people have more serious problems than me and other Aspies.

My point is that the way that able bodied people are not respecting nor accepting Aspies to be part of the society. I observed that they:

• are not listening to our feelings 
• does not want to understand
• nor want to know about it

These three factors highlights huge problem when come to social situations. From what I have learnt from my experience, if people does any of those three factors, I will know it won't be my problem. I discussed about this with my fellow Aspie friends today and they have agreed it is something to do with able bodied people are not giving some of us chances to blend in. I understand we have emotion and sensory issues, but only Aspies in the world are not experiencing the same problems.

In my observation from the able bodied people, they told me that:

• can't be bothered acknowledging it
• cannot be understood
• doesn't know the awareness
• taking little issues becomes a big problem

So, I have to leave up to the able bodied people to accept us Aspies or not. Must remember that majority of us would want to enjoy life and experiences in terms of friendships, relationships, employment and entertainment. We are capable in a same way as everyone else. My best advice for everyone including Aspies is to stop relying on technology to structure people's thoughts and experiences.

Aspies are the most honest people

From my experience I do not take advantage of other living beings from my lies which that makes me think I am going to hurt them. Most able bodied people knows in reality Aspies are prones to social suicide and make lies. Well unfortunately you got this wrong.

Aspies are 'the' one of most honest group of people in the world. Why? Because that we do. We hate lying. We hate hurting our feelings. We don't like hurting other people feelings. So that answers your question? Personally, I try to make things 'right' or 'goes according to the plan' when come to social situations. In past tense, we share experiences of what exact has happened in equivalent to sharing our feelings at present tense. That is one of signs we are being honest.

There were so many experiences through friends I made over last few years including this year at UQ. I find some people are not proactive or assertive when come to realism. It may be their lack of organisation, creating influence on not believing in me. The conversations I spoken with many group of people are aligned to honesty and committment. My feelings are always hurt when people are pretending things to happen when comes to planning. For example: I be back, going to the restrooms, then ten minutes later he/she never bothered talking to me again. Aspies are smart when come to this kind of situation when the person or group of people are not being bothered again; sometimes capable to finish things too quickly because of the judgment in behaviour. This is because I observe this clearly when I see their confusing facial expressions and body language. I know that I am not a good reader non-verbally but I can see the negativity of people.

Many times I can't see what my behaviour makes people to act like that. I am honest (yes being honest) to this that I am actually do not know exactly what is happening. I understand that my hearing loss influences on this social environment. So, how I can tell when I did something wrong? Numerous times I always explained and asked people what I did is wrong. They never responded. That makes me feel uncomfortable by their behaviourial 'reaction'. They become stubborn and avoidance. When I observe people's avoidance, that is when I become ill and uncomfortable. I understood that I should walk away and say 'that is your problem or 'stuck up'. When you hear people say something about you in terms of those quotes, wonder how you feel about this? This is what I have experienced. People can't tell if I have serious mental problems or they may aware I have ASD but not fully understood? This is big question.

In many case studies I heard over the years of how able bodied people treat people with disabilities. In many third world and developing countries I observed disability discrimination. I have experienced this everyday only when come to social situations. Despite, this may be the case that why I am experiencing this frequently because I live in Australia. Many countries around the world knows we have racism and discrimination issues. But we are not alone.

In conclusion, Aspies are one of the most honest people in the world. We have feelings. Never underestimate us!

Socially isolated

Its time I feel like to share my experiences of being socially isolated. These are always hard times for me. It makes me feel uncomfortable and not capable in the society. My hearing loss impacts this, and ASD also heavily impact on this. We all know that many able bodied people do not understand the feelings of a person who is intended of being socially isolated; because they can't see what is happening with him/her and don't know how to approach them. This picture illustrates the mainstream society is not bothering with the person who is isolated because they have no knowledge of actions.

From my experiences, being socially isolated occurs during hanging out with group of friends, at the meetings especially with the interest groups and not being invited to do something with people (follow on etc). Two challenges I am facing in this perspective: mishearing people's speech and missing out on key body language gestures. In general I do not overly understand people's speech 100% of the time its because the person's speech may be limited, influence of accent tone, not showing their faces to me, talking too fast and terrible form of shaping. However, I am extremely good at lipreading at same time as listening because the nerves in my brain helps me to think twice of interpreting the sound by shape of the words. When I am listening to someone whose is very clear and clarifying, these are times when I am comfortable and relaxed. For instance; at one of my lecture classes this semester, this lecturer is very approachable to me because he makes sure I understand him. Many times his speech is very clear and precise. Listening carefully does improve your performance on something!

I do know that my ASD also affects this too because when feel being an outlier of conversations, since the fact I couldn't hear people, it makes me become anxious and frustrated. This anxiety (one of symptoms of ASD) makes me think someone is not bothered to communicate with me or let me be involved; despite without letting me know if I am being invited or following on. During my undergraduate at JCU I experienced this everyday. I tried to approach to people about my hearing loss that I need clear, face-to-face communication and follow-on. Unfortunately this did not happened. I spent three years in a demise, no one contacted me to tag along with them nor say hello to me. I felt very upset as I felt like being discriminated against. From my viewpoint, I can see how people in the group teemed to focus talking a lot to someone who is capable of hearing to be in engaged.

I never ever met any new friend after my mate Dylan (who has been for entire life), and my family helped me to understand social situations and what other person has said. This current situation it makes me think I never made any new friend. I thought I made more chances of meeting people who have similar approach and/or reaction going through two universities and almost a year of working holiday trip in USA. Nothing has changed since. But what I have changed is to avoid people who kept avoiding me in conversations especially one on one! They still fend off! This make me think 'wonder why he/she does that?'

Now I am mature person and I am learnt to prepare situations like this. For instance speaking to new people about awaring my hearing loss and I required effective communication; i.e. lipreading, Auslan if required and good pace. Most of the times it is successful, but over the time it tend to fade out. People forget or not being bothered to do the tactic. This is one of moment I feel socially isolated. I am drowned out. Consequently, people with disabilities in reality do not cure like many able bodied people think they do. 

I spent thousands of years as long as the world's deaf awareness programs trying to improve communication between deaf/hard of hearing and hearing people. It is very challenging, but we can't do this on our own. I really can't ask people to help me to hear things as they imagine but I am asking people to be aware. It doesn't matter to be a friend but remember I have to hear things because it part of learning. Also having ASD is like a double whammy to my personal skills because my hearing affects on things that I try to engage - what the person have said etc. It stops me from learning new things.

New challenges & environment

Well it has been a while since my last story of my life. Past few months it has been busy. I have been through transitioning from a regional area to a major city for my postgraduate degree and industry experience. I never lived in a city, ever experience 'busy' lifestyle and determine how capable I am to blend into new environment.

So this what I got to face the new challenges and environment. First university degree up in Townsville and my living experiences over in the US has brought me experiences of what 'life' is all about. The key challenges I am facing today, especially in Brisbane at a world's most reknown university, University of Queensland - are culture, commuting, higher degree and research skills and balancing life. One of these parameters I have already experienced; such as culture from the US by meeting new people and making relationships with different backgrounds. Since the fact I never lived in a city before, it drives me to develop further experience in a new environment which I am expecting meeting a lot of new friends especially with similar interests.

When I was studying Environmental Science at JCU, I was struggling to find ways to help my confidence in making new friends. In a common sense nature, Aspies usually struggle find friends and relationships with people who have similar interests as you or no matter. Unfortunately I haven't made a single friend from either classes and student clubs. So this what made me to think of why this is happening; thus difference in lifestyles between a regional and city universities.

At UQ, I find it so easy to get along with people are from my classes and student clubs as well as professional groups who have similar interests and passion as me. During the first two weeks of classes, it was a culture shock because it was overwhelming. I have used my confidence, generous attitudes and friendly approaches for whole time. I believed it is working this time around. It was very different when that the world used to be 'against' me; I was curious why I was rejected by so many people.

So the challenges I am facing now is social anxiety and developing relationships. Aspies are prone to this, even if their social and working life is active. I still feel anxious of what is happening in the environment between myself and other friends, this also applies in classes. At JCU I had a lot of bad reactions from people that I am feeling uncomfortable with the environment, but today their approaches are opposite. People tend to become easy to comfort themselves and let me feel comfortable with the environment as well. It may be the case that its a large city, a large university and my position with other postgraduate groups who are much older than previously studied. Some friends I met from either classes and student groups are much older than me. This world showed me sense of maturity and respect.

I used to ask advice from many people about how I go with my friendship with them. Lately, not so much. Once and that is all. Despite people have feelings as well. I feel more normal when come to that situation. Sometimes I feel bad for missing out on things even new friends I made with. I believe that is a norm in a new environment.