Coincidently humans eat food everyday due to metabolism process. I.e. we are always hungry! Although, to this question am I hungry for a change? The answer is YES! Why? I spent about 18 years living in same place. I have lived in Northern Rivers since mid 1990's. I was raised here after I was born in Brisbane. I graduated high school at end of 2008 before going to University for four years (one year at UNE - Armidale and three years at JCU Townsville). After I arrived back from the US working holiday program for eight months, I am back in reality.
I done everything that I tried to make a change for my life. Now it has been over a year - in addition of 18 years of living life in Northern Rivers, I have tried so extremely hard finding jobs relating to my university qualifications and passion. I also tried so hard making new friends and joining groups of my interest. Socioeconomically, the region I live in is quite low compared to other parts of the country. Since John Howard came in power, our region suffer major economic decline. There were a lot of factors contributing this such as scaring young people away because there are not enough employment and educational opportunities for them. Community and governmental support services on the brink in reductions. I.e. lack of it!
Over last three months I started to feel effects of this socioeconomic climate, and also I started to understand why so many people around my age left. This made me feel so hungry for a change in my life. I thought my life did changed after I completed my Bachelor's degree at Townsville, and my travels in the US. Reality is a massive karma to me. This makes me feel so worthless, wasteful, depressing and stressing. I feel so terrible. I spend so many days, weeks and months imaginating my thoughts of how positive my life would be; thinking what I want to do and who I want to be!
Young people with disabilities in Australia experiences same thing. Lack of community services and support in regional areas put in place of extreme case scenarios of poverty and effects of poor attitudes from their own people. This is a worrying concern. I am very thankful for myself to realise that I am in this situation and wanted to make a BIG change. Not just that I thought I had changed my life after University and the US trip. Of course NOT. It about a move!
Past weeks I have decided to follow the way by moving back to Brisbane and experience a new change. Of course, a thriving city would be benefical for my expectations. There are a lot of questions on this. Am I getting an employment opportunity whilst studying/graduating at the University this time? Am I getting new 'proper' friends? (I will never ever forget I have my mate back home at this point!).
Is Australian government controlling communities economically and mentally over people with disabilities and young people in regional areas? It does seem so. I am one of them.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Are you talking to me or....?
It has been five days since my last post. Meanwhile I have been thinking about forms of communication. Are you talking to me or?
Making conversations is quite difficult for me. I usually speak out the basics like greeting words, 'how are you?', 'what you have been doing?'...and so on etc. After that, it seems like a dead end. I could say something more. Worthwhile, its seems that an able-bodied person couldn't continue to talk with me after that. Not many people seem confident in front of me. Why? Maybe that I have a hearing loss? I aware that it could spoil their mood if I didn't understand what they were saying when they are conversing excitedly.
Over years when I was at University and travelling to the US. Lot of people whose I met tend to get frustrated after a couple of times when I didn't get to understand what they say. Their reaction become rude; judging me who I am and then giving up talking to me forever. Indeed, she/he isn't a friend with the reaction like that?! BUT remember that it happens from you too if you are reading this blog!
I tend to upset about this because I couldn't do anything to improve myself to understand people speeches and body language. Like an automation. I don't have a solution. You cannot expect me to solve this crisis on my own since it is a non cureable disability? The BIG problem is YOU. That is how I become upset and frustrated reflecting from your reactions. Family and close friends does a same thing as well; they are more like not conversing with me much as other family members. I tend to miss more than 75% of the information if the third person intitate the conversation between all of us.
Can I just say 'sorry can you repeat that?' and/or 'what we are talking about?' in repetitive ways? Yes I can, but I always experienced that able-bodied person's reaction became off-putting because it kept delaying their conversation. This is an attitude problem. You can tell what is the difference between a deaf and hearing person? On other mind, it usually a new person whom I just met always talks to me more than others in same room just until she/he realised that I am an Aspie and have a hearing loss. The conversation fades out. Why? You can't expect me to dominate the conversation because everyone speaks out of pace. Most Aspies (especially hearing ones) have similar problem as well. We couldn't keep up talking because we have learning issues while we were younger. We didn't get along with language skills.
How you can improve on this issue? Communication is important key for partnership, businesses, relationships and friendships. Does this social rule says depending on what circumstances? It does not say depending on what kind of person's form of communication, disability, ethnicity or race etc. Far too many people I met so far in my life are terribly lazy at communicating. They seem very conservative about it. If this attitude problem keeps up; can I keep standing in same world forever and let the problem solve itself? Able-bodied people are RESPONSIBLE to make this work because they are very capable to communicate all forms of languages, unlike a deaf person who just do sign language.
If you feel like having a conversation with someone. Just be aware of what kind of communication challenge you expect from the person. Be pleasing. Non judgmental. Be aware, and encouraging. We are not different after all if everyone is understandable!
Making conversations is quite difficult for me. I usually speak out the basics like greeting words, 'how are you?', 'what you have been doing?'...and so on etc. After that, it seems like a dead end. I could say something more. Worthwhile, its seems that an able-bodied person couldn't continue to talk with me after that. Not many people seem confident in front of me. Why? Maybe that I have a hearing loss? I aware that it could spoil their mood if I didn't understand what they were saying when they are conversing excitedly.
Over years when I was at University and travelling to the US. Lot of people whose I met tend to get frustrated after a couple of times when I didn't get to understand what they say. Their reaction become rude; judging me who I am and then giving up talking to me forever. Indeed, she/he isn't a friend with the reaction like that?! BUT remember that it happens from you too if you are reading this blog!
I tend to upset about this because I couldn't do anything to improve myself to understand people speeches and body language. Like an automation. I don't have a solution. You cannot expect me to solve this crisis on my own since it is a non cureable disability? The BIG problem is YOU. That is how I become upset and frustrated reflecting from your reactions. Family and close friends does a same thing as well; they are more like not conversing with me much as other family members. I tend to miss more than 75% of the information if the third person intitate the conversation between all of us.
Can I just say 'sorry can you repeat that?' and/or 'what we are talking about?' in repetitive ways? Yes I can, but I always experienced that able-bodied person's reaction became off-putting because it kept delaying their conversation. This is an attitude problem. You can tell what is the difference between a deaf and hearing person? On other mind, it usually a new person whom I just met always talks to me more than others in same room just until she/he realised that I am an Aspie and have a hearing loss. The conversation fades out. Why? You can't expect me to dominate the conversation because everyone speaks out of pace. Most Aspies (especially hearing ones) have similar problem as well. We couldn't keep up talking because we have learning issues while we were younger. We didn't get along with language skills.
How you can improve on this issue? Communication is important key for partnership, businesses, relationships and friendships. Does this social rule says depending on what circumstances? It does not say depending on what kind of person's form of communication, disability, ethnicity or race etc. Far too many people I met so far in my life are terribly lazy at communicating. They seem very conservative about it. If this attitude problem keeps up; can I keep standing in same world forever and let the problem solve itself? Able-bodied people are RESPONSIBLE to make this work because they are very capable to communicate all forms of languages, unlike a deaf person who just do sign language.
If you feel like having a conversation with someone. Just be aware of what kind of communication challenge you expect from the person. Be pleasing. Non judgmental. Be aware, and encouraging. We are not different after all if everyone is understandable!
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Why I am a party pooper?
Many people thinks of me as a party pooper. I have two sides on this momentum. It is true that I do not like crowded parties like music festivals, alcoholic house parties and related environment as you can name. However, I am very keen to be a social person. For instance, these guys on Big Bang Theory tv show, they always play games together, go to dress up costumes parties and that. Sheldon frankly make nonsenses when come to social and relationships, why? He may feel like a same as me?!
To be honest, I feel a same as what Sheldon does but I am not trying to be ignorant. I LOVE to have a happy, fun and adventerous times with everyone. Unfortunately, many situations from people I have been with in my life always go to a same type of environment which that I am not comfortable with. Maybe this is an Australian culture? I feel like a typical Aspie when come to parties, and other kind of social environments. Maybe this why people don't ask me to hang out?
Of course I tend to make plans to have fun, but these times failed. Especially, having my own birthday parties. I had a few bad birthday parties during uni and abroad. I invited people as I thought they are my friends, but very fewer people turned up. Thank you for those who came and celebrate with me, I kindly appreciated that. What I believe from my perspective of why people who I invited (or can't be bothered coming) didn't come because I turned them down for my boredom. I may appear have one of most boring birthday/parties plans in the world. One thing, I don't drink alcohol. That could be a main factor that scared people away from their boredom. Other what I knew for long time is that I attracted as a party pooper, which that could make people feel uncomfortable being around me not knowing what to do for fun nor to talk about something.
I am working so extremely hard to make myself an attractive person to hang out and party with people socially. But what makes me feel uncomfortable when come to these scenarios? Parties/social events tend to be in a rapid ever changing environment. I tend to get very frustrated as a reaction to the pulses and scenarios of what is exactly going on. For example, kept turning up music after hour to another. From a sober person's perspective, this influences further because I am an Aspie which explains that I do not have a same level of social skills as all able bodied people have. This is unfair to me!
What makes me feel bad seeing these posts/photos over Facebook friends, and people share me stories of how successful their social happenings? I feel jealous. Many times I turn myself down because over the few years I thought I did made friends with people. It didn't change my life at all. I felt hopeless.
I feel so surprised seeing myself as an infant when come to social skills and cues. These times when I feel down, I tend to become anti-social because I couldn't express myself how I feel about things. I don't want to show myself how bad myself to these able bodied people. Probably, its too late because in the world people are already know that Aspies are and treat us like social disorders. People just couldn't get along with (and with other Aspies) in a social environment. I have a feeling that how 'close minded' our world becomes because they always focused on similar party environments such as where alcohol involved and become ill-minded. This is so boring for me!
I have been told as a hermit, a nerd and a pooper many times during college and abroad because its' how able bodied people reflect on my social skills. This is a life NOT what I wanted. I want to have a group of friends; although I always hang out with my mate, Dylan at every once or two weeks. He seems only person I get along. I kindly appreciate our friendship of 11 years! He appears to understand my social needs to ensure that I am comfortable to do without harm. I wish other people out there do a same way as they can forget these mainstream parties and make focus on people rather than the value of mainstream itself! I really want to have a party, and am keen to learn to build friendship skills.
What I like to do with people? I am an outdoorsy kind of person. I love go camping, road trips, explore our lives and do spontaneous things (not that rapid ever changing ways as mentioned earlier). So, if you keen to do something with me (of course to your Aspie friends as well), please let us know you wanted to hang out!
To be honest, I feel a same as what Sheldon does but I am not trying to be ignorant. I LOVE to have a happy, fun and adventerous times with everyone. Unfortunately, many situations from people I have been with in my life always go to a same type of environment which that I am not comfortable with. Maybe this is an Australian culture? I feel like a typical Aspie when come to parties, and other kind of social environments. Maybe this why people don't ask me to hang out?
Of course I tend to make plans to have fun, but these times failed. Especially, having my own birthday parties. I had a few bad birthday parties during uni and abroad. I invited people as I thought they are my friends, but very fewer people turned up. Thank you for those who came and celebrate with me, I kindly appreciated that. What I believe from my perspective of why people who I invited (or can't be bothered coming) didn't come because I turned them down for my boredom. I may appear have one of most boring birthday/parties plans in the world. One thing, I don't drink alcohol. That could be a main factor that scared people away from their boredom. Other what I knew for long time is that I attracted as a party pooper, which that could make people feel uncomfortable being around me not knowing what to do for fun nor to talk about something.
I am working so extremely hard to make myself an attractive person to hang out and party with people socially. But what makes me feel uncomfortable when come to these scenarios? Parties/social events tend to be in a rapid ever changing environment. I tend to get very frustrated as a reaction to the pulses and scenarios of what is exactly going on. For example, kept turning up music after hour to another. From a sober person's perspective, this influences further because I am an Aspie which explains that I do not have a same level of social skills as all able bodied people have. This is unfair to me!
What makes me feel bad seeing these posts/photos over Facebook friends, and people share me stories of how successful their social happenings? I feel jealous. Many times I turn myself down because over the few years I thought I did made friends with people. It didn't change my life at all. I felt hopeless.
I feel so surprised seeing myself as an infant when come to social skills and cues. These times when I feel down, I tend to become anti-social because I couldn't express myself how I feel about things. I don't want to show myself how bad myself to these able bodied people. Probably, its too late because in the world people are already know that Aspies are and treat us like social disorders. People just couldn't get along with (and with other Aspies) in a social environment. I have a feeling that how 'close minded' our world becomes because they always focused on similar party environments such as where alcohol involved and become ill-minded. This is so boring for me!
I have been told as a hermit, a nerd and a pooper many times during college and abroad because its' how able bodied people reflect on my social skills. This is a life NOT what I wanted. I want to have a group of friends; although I always hang out with my mate, Dylan at every once or two weeks. He seems only person I get along. I kindly appreciate our friendship of 11 years! He appears to understand my social needs to ensure that I am comfortable to do without harm. I wish other people out there do a same way as they can forget these mainstream parties and make focus on people rather than the value of mainstream itself! I really want to have a party, and am keen to learn to build friendship skills.
What I like to do with people? I am an outdoorsy kind of person. I love go camping, road trips, explore our lives and do spontaneous things (not that rapid ever changing ways as mentioned earlier). So, if you keen to do something with me (of course to your Aspie friends as well), please let us know you wanted to hang out!
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Depression - how I feel about it?
As we know depression is one of leading mental issues in the world, perhaps higher for people with ASD. 1 in 2 Aspies cope with depression internationally, which is much greater than non-aspies are! Why this number is so high? I can tell you why, by sharing you my experiences.
Depression, its' not one of things I want to talk about nor think of it. I intend to always focus on positive things because I overlook opportunities than those I don't get. Jealously and/or sham makes me feel depressed. I always fall into negative environment after a while I make so much effort on things I wanted to get or at least expected to get. I get depressed, as a trespass to my positive territory.
Like wise when I compare myself to other people who have 'things' or getting 'things' as easy. Unfortunately, so many able bodied people expected me to have similar way to be at least expected, I am curious they don't understand us. I always look back at myself what I have when I avoid being depressed. I have food, shelter, welfare payments/support, family and a mate. I feel so happy, and feeling positive. Although, depression got nothing to do with this!
Think about our world's state of depression, like Robin Williams for instance. He have done so amazing things, own so many opportunities and such. But what violated him? He never knew what coming to him what caused him to feel depressed about. Like myself, I don't go to a negative territory like these case examples of celebrities all the world. These people are more social, money maker and have great personality. BUT what is the problem, there are different important things what happened to them which makes them feel depressed.
For my case, I feel negative because it something haunts me forever or (hopefully not!). I always see so many people have things that I couldn't get, thus making myself feel bad. Recently, I always carry on about getting a career job for my academic qualifications and passion because it makes me feel so depressed doing unrelated unemployment or involvement or couldn't get a job. This makes me feel uncomfortable, less confident and less focused. I have worked at a cafe, forcibly by an employment agency. These people don't understand my needs and support. That makes me feel depressed because as how I feel it is careless, slaving and patronising.
There are quite few different scenarios I have been through over the years. I carry on little things that seemed not a big deal. For example, a girlfriend, more new friends in similar matter as I only have one mate and thereof. It makes me wonder. Life is suscipious to me. It makes me feel adventerous. That is how I feel now. I want to continue on experiencing unexpected things, only if the world understand my needs; then we all have no problem.
If you know anyone coping with depression, please don't waste your time for not cooperating with them! Human life is a waste of time if there are problem lies between themselves and the others. Aspies, like myself hate wasting time, space and people. I personally add, wasting environment due to my passion of beautiful nature and species. Please consider to be a friend and caring, and look out for people who are having difficulties with life. Don't forget, people with ASD are the worst. Don't judge us by it cover of ASD's label. Just inspire us to make us feel happy and let to be involved in the society.
Depression, its' not one of things I want to talk about nor think of it. I intend to always focus on positive things because I overlook opportunities than those I don't get. Jealously and/or sham makes me feel depressed. I always fall into negative environment after a while I make so much effort on things I wanted to get or at least expected to get. I get depressed, as a trespass to my positive territory.
Like wise when I compare myself to other people who have 'things' or getting 'things' as easy. Unfortunately, so many able bodied people expected me to have similar way to be at least expected, I am curious they don't understand us. I always look back at myself what I have when I avoid being depressed. I have food, shelter, welfare payments/support, family and a mate. I feel so happy, and feeling positive. Although, depression got nothing to do with this!
Think about our world's state of depression, like Robin Williams for instance. He have done so amazing things, own so many opportunities and such. But what violated him? He never knew what coming to him what caused him to feel depressed about. Like myself, I don't go to a negative territory like these case examples of celebrities all the world. These people are more social, money maker and have great personality. BUT what is the problem, there are different important things what happened to them which makes them feel depressed.
For my case, I feel negative because it something haunts me forever or (hopefully not!). I always see so many people have things that I couldn't get, thus making myself feel bad. Recently, I always carry on about getting a career job for my academic qualifications and passion because it makes me feel so depressed doing unrelated unemployment or involvement or couldn't get a job. This makes me feel uncomfortable, less confident and less focused. I have worked at a cafe, forcibly by an employment agency. These people don't understand my needs and support. That makes me feel depressed because as how I feel it is careless, slaving and patronising.
There are quite few different scenarios I have been through over the years. I carry on little things that seemed not a big deal. For example, a girlfriend, more new friends in similar matter as I only have one mate and thereof. It makes me wonder. Life is suscipious to me. It makes me feel adventerous. That is how I feel now. I want to continue on experiencing unexpected things, only if the world understand my needs; then we all have no problem.
If you know anyone coping with depression, please don't waste your time for not cooperating with them! Human life is a waste of time if there are problem lies between themselves and the others. Aspies, like myself hate wasting time, space and people. I personally add, wasting environment due to my passion of beautiful nature and species. Please consider to be a friend and caring, and look out for people who are having difficulties with life. Don't forget, people with ASD are the worst. Don't judge us by it cover of ASD's label. Just inspire us to make us feel happy and let to be involved in the society.
Friday, August 15, 2014
Why I am always talking about same thing every time we chat?
I tend to talk a lot about same topic when come to people I would like to share with. I am very curious why able bodied people sees obsession from an Aspie is off-putting themselves? Whole world is all about talking to people about interests, passions and news/gossip. I don't understand Aspies, like myself are always on different talking level when come to able bodied people. Can you recall your interests to me? I would like to talk about it if you tell me what you like to talk about.
I always make myself feel so escastic and exciting when I talk to people in topics of what I like to discuss about. I love the feeling of chemicals flowing in my heart, eventually pours through my blood flow and the brain to get my body feel so dreamy. Most times when I feel this, I observed that lot of able bodied people get sick and tired of me talking about same thing. I tend to get hurtful easily from their reactions. A sudden of positively becomes like dark ages; like a drained-out heart.
So, why able bodied people don't like to talk about their interests when other people do? It sounds like an excuse. For exmaple - "I am sorry, I don't want to talk about politics because I am not interested in it". One time, I spoken to someone at one of the Greens events, talked about how our environmental legislations get passed in a parlimentary decision making process. When I asked this specific question to her, she got frustrated of me talking about it, before I get to understand how decision making process works. Aspies tend to be slow at processing social cues and language development. I didn't feel comfortable at that stage when she said that to me because I couldn't go out and say like "Sorry I have ASD, I tend to be slow at learning things". When people become patient?!
Over the years (under influence of different scenarios I have been through), I learned that people are always being impatient when come to making conversation. I don't understand we have to be lazy? If I were lazy, I couldn't be bothered talking to anyone! Yes you can call this anti-social. It is sad seeing people around the world coping the impatience issues, it not just Aspies have problems - in general. Though, like Aspies, tend to get upset and negative towards people when they are being impatient to us. I believe this is not a learning curve for me to understand how social implications work!
I am going to have a speech therapy course sometime this Spring. I am hopefully to go through social skills via articulation and speech patterns which I need to work on. As a result of these sessions, I would like to see able bodied people to become patient with me, and other Aspies. Also, I am taking my time and being my best to improve understanding of 'talking topics' when come to people. I am still want to get to know who you are. Why don't tell me about yourself? Eventually from that point of time, you may not get frustrated with me talking about topics.
This blog entry does not apply to online/digital social conversations.
I always make myself feel so escastic and exciting when I talk to people in topics of what I like to discuss about. I love the feeling of chemicals flowing in my heart, eventually pours through my blood flow and the brain to get my body feel so dreamy. Most times when I feel this, I observed that lot of able bodied people get sick and tired of me talking about same thing. I tend to get hurtful easily from their reactions. A sudden of positively becomes like dark ages; like a drained-out heart.
So, why able bodied people don't like to talk about their interests when other people do? It sounds like an excuse. For exmaple - "I am sorry, I don't want to talk about politics because I am not interested in it". One time, I spoken to someone at one of the Greens events, talked about how our environmental legislations get passed in a parlimentary decision making process. When I asked this specific question to her, she got frustrated of me talking about it, before I get to understand how decision making process works. Aspies tend to be slow at processing social cues and language development. I didn't feel comfortable at that stage when she said that to me because I couldn't go out and say like "Sorry I have ASD, I tend to be slow at learning things". When people become patient?!
Over the years (under influence of different scenarios I have been through), I learned that people are always being impatient when come to making conversation. I don't understand we have to be lazy? If I were lazy, I couldn't be bothered talking to anyone! Yes you can call this anti-social. It is sad seeing people around the world coping the impatience issues, it not just Aspies have problems - in general. Though, like Aspies, tend to get upset and negative towards people when they are being impatient to us. I believe this is not a learning curve for me to understand how social implications work!
I am going to have a speech therapy course sometime this Spring. I am hopefully to go through social skills via articulation and speech patterns which I need to work on. As a result of these sessions, I would like to see able bodied people to become patient with me, and other Aspies. Also, I am taking my time and being my best to improve understanding of 'talking topics' when come to people. I am still want to get to know who you are. Why don't tell me about yourself? Eventually from that point of time, you may not get frustrated with me talking about topics.
This blog entry does not apply to online/digital social conversations.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Aspies - jealous or sham?
I have been living a mystery life. Is that right? Most able bodied people (more appropriate wording than calling neurotypicals) told me I am a mystery but too high maintenance to work with. I can't comment on that because if I say that repsonse is unfair to me, it would be unfair for others as well!
Since the fact that people with ASD, life is always a struggle. Finding ways how to deal and coping things with sudden of change, how to make friends and relationships in an ideal way. Perhaps, it does not seem that easy for me. Its' like a saying 'it is easy to be nice to everyone especially when they are not your friends'. Unfortunately, this type of scenario confuses me. On what level 'being nice' is actually a way to make a new friend?
So, are we living life of jealously or being a sham? From my point of view, I'll say both because many times I tend to be jealous of able bodied people getting things that I couldn't get. Other times I feel like a sham for getting benefits and extra support which that able bodied people couldn't. This is hardest, but most difficult thing I live for.
Why I make myself jealous of others? Sometimes I don't know how much effort, or how keen I wanted to get something a same like other people have been experiencing or getting. I felt like a wreck if no one pleased with me for having any opportunities to experience something that I have been jealous for rest of my life. I tend to get frustrated when someone says to me 'Mathew, things do happen from time to time, it will happen at least expected'. Since when life have a rule? I can't see anything happen if there is a rule? Who is ruling the world? Aspies like myself can't taken the granted for the able bodied's perspective of these sayings because it is DIFFERENT from our perspective!
I can't afford to live life with a demise, being a mirror of others who couldn't give space and time providing people opportunities to enjoy life. Many times I have been positively thinking getting married, have children and career job of what I like to do. Unfortunately, it seems negative when able bodied people tells me an excuse of their thoughts how much chance I am getting. NO ONE do know what level of possibilities of something to happen in our lives!?
Being positive means things DO happen. On the opposite side of the world I felt like a sham as well because I spent so much time thinking about things I tend to be jealous of others. What I need to do? How I can enjoy life when there are opportunities for ANY one to experience things that have been waiting for? Sorry, its up to you. Aspies cannot control their lives unless the perceptions between two world collaborate and excel together. This is equivalent to developing a policy on racism back in the 1970's. Why Aspies, and other disabled people doesn't have similar policies?
I tell you what, I can't continue talking on a same topic for rest of my life because it is driving me crazy. Meltdowns, perhaps appears to be a staged scenario.
Since the fact that people with ASD, life is always a struggle. Finding ways how to deal and coping things with sudden of change, how to make friends and relationships in an ideal way. Perhaps, it does not seem that easy for me. Its' like a saying 'it is easy to be nice to everyone especially when they are not your friends'. Unfortunately, this type of scenario confuses me. On what level 'being nice' is actually a way to make a new friend?
So, are we living life of jealously or being a sham? From my point of view, I'll say both because many times I tend to be jealous of able bodied people getting things that I couldn't get. Other times I feel like a sham for getting benefits and extra support which that able bodied people couldn't. This is hardest, but most difficult thing I live for.
Why I make myself jealous of others? Sometimes I don't know how much effort, or how keen I wanted to get something a same like other people have been experiencing or getting. I felt like a wreck if no one pleased with me for having any opportunities to experience something that I have been jealous for rest of my life. I tend to get frustrated when someone says to me 'Mathew, things do happen from time to time, it will happen at least expected'. Since when life have a rule? I can't see anything happen if there is a rule? Who is ruling the world? Aspies like myself can't taken the granted for the able bodied's perspective of these sayings because it is DIFFERENT from our perspective!
I can't afford to live life with a demise, being a mirror of others who couldn't give space and time providing people opportunities to enjoy life. Many times I have been positively thinking getting married, have children and career job of what I like to do. Unfortunately, it seems negative when able bodied people tells me an excuse of their thoughts how much chance I am getting. NO ONE do know what level of possibilities of something to happen in our lives!?
Being positive means things DO happen. On the opposite side of the world I felt like a sham as well because I spent so much time thinking about things I tend to be jealous of others. What I need to do? How I can enjoy life when there are opportunities for ANY one to experience things that have been waiting for? Sorry, its up to you. Aspies cannot control their lives unless the perceptions between two world collaborate and excel together. This is equivalent to developing a policy on racism back in the 1970's. Why Aspies, and other disabled people doesn't have similar policies?
I tell you what, I can't continue talking on a same topic for rest of my life because it is driving me crazy. Meltdowns, perhaps appears to be a staged scenario.
Abstract - Life as an Aspie - ASPECT Conference 2014
I have recently went to the ASPECT's inaugural Autism in Education National Conference in Sydney a couple weeks ago between 31st July and 1st of August. This conference was my first time being spoken out in the public about sharing my life being an Aspie. I also mentioned about the difficulties of my hearing loss. Abeit a confusing combination between two disabilities!
It was indeed a wonderful and life changing business trip for me. My mother went with me so she would like to meet other like-minded people. Overall, it was exceptional.
I presented my speech with PowerPoint presentation in front of 50 people in the room early in the morning. Was it a great rise and shine moment?! My presentation consists a story about my life experiences, discussing explanation between ASD's and neurotypical's perspectives and the future goals of the statement.
Here is a video clip of my presentation. Thanks to Youtube partnering with Google so it makesme blogging easy! The video is up to 17 minutes.
Looking forward to hear from your feedback!
It was indeed a wonderful and life changing business trip for me. My mother went with me so she would like to meet other like-minded people. Overall, it was exceptional.
I presented my speech with PowerPoint presentation in front of 50 people in the room early in the morning. Was it a great rise and shine moment?! My presentation consists a story about my life experiences, discussing explanation between ASD's and neurotypical's perspectives and the future goals of the statement.
Here is a video clip of my presentation. Thanks to Youtube partnering with Google so it makesme blogging easy! The video is up to 17 minutes.
Looking forward to hear from your feedback!
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Social media - friend or foe?
For last decade or so, Information Technology has been rapidly developed and become futuristic (for those imaginations from 1950's!). Firstly, I joined Myspace. That didn't worked out, because someone has copied all information and posts from the page, then created another account pretending to me. Ah, that was my first cyber bully of my life. Suddenly I deleted Myspace.
Next, Facebook started to become popular. Although, for first few years of Facebook's presence in the society I didn't want to sign up because I have fears of similar outcomes from what happened to Myspace. Until then I went to University for first time away from home, my family convinced me to sign up Facebook since it is easier to communicate. Then I did. That was at end of 2008, on the days I graduated high school.
So now it has been about 5 and half years I been using Facebook, as an almost every day lifestyle of communicating with people. Humanity seemed so sure it is a best method to communicate within others!? Over these years I experienced dramas, meltdown and further cyber bullies. After those continuance of attacks, I had a thought of deleting my account a few times. But, what made me to keep it? The world seem so dependent on Facebook, as a main method to communicate with people especially for those who are away from your hometown or being overseas.
During last couple of years, I learned that Facebook is being a such as greedy marketing tool for businesses and for rich people to make money rather than pursuasion in form of communication and sharing experiences. Notwithstanding, the efforts of people using Facebook on their hands (smartphones etc) and asking random person from the public whose met for first time to be added as their friend online. I got so curious what is this all about? Are we making friends? Are we helping people? Or we making a new form of main communication source to become digital?
This made me miss the old days of texting and calling via mobile phones, playing outside with people, go to meetings in person, and a face to face forums (community organisations etc). As being an Aspie (not sure how other Aspies feel in a same way), I believe that I am not learning important social cues and developing language skills. These days, it is seem so hard for me to get out and meet people and make new friends and relationships because everyone seem so dependent on Facebook, and/or other online source. ASD hasn't made a medical breakthrough not long before internet came, and other society influence of change.
How I feel I have about 400 friends online? I don't have a comment on this, but I know that not everyone is a true friend to me. I find this 'number' is disrespectful. I have several friends who are my family. I only have one true mate (from the outside world) being friends online. This whole 'being friends with others online' doesn't make me feel comfortable because I have absolutely no chance of making new friends in the outside world, and opportunities to hang out with people. I had more successes of doing that by face to face and via text messaging.
I believe this IT and rise of social media is damaging my life and other Aspies around the world. Facebook, for instance, as being a major social tool for the world it is causing harm. I don't know how I survive the world if Facebook make a bigger deal for everyone. Several times I am having so much difficulties making friends and develop a relationship with people, why this so? Because online social tool is making me to miss so many important social and relationship skills! I require so much effective counselling and therapies to catch up with able bodied people. Its so expensive. Facebook does seem stealing my money for taking lessons! Criminal of the century?!
So, social media is a friend or foe? ABSOLUTELY NOT A FRIEND! Sorry for yelling. I just trying to find ways how people to get me to be heard of. I have told to many people for many times saying how disastrous the society change we heading towards. Digital form of communication for Aspies is peer pressuring and blocking the person's ability to be capable and be understanding the differences in diversity.
The world lacks of understanding towards Aspies because the eruption of online communication influences abilities. I say, do I need to be your true friend before Facebook or just add me because of my name and never talk to me?
Next, Facebook started to become popular. Although, for first few years of Facebook's presence in the society I didn't want to sign up because I have fears of similar outcomes from what happened to Myspace. Until then I went to University for first time away from home, my family convinced me to sign up Facebook since it is easier to communicate. Then I did. That was at end of 2008, on the days I graduated high school.
So now it has been about 5 and half years I been using Facebook, as an almost every day lifestyle of communicating with people. Humanity seemed so sure it is a best method to communicate within others!? Over these years I experienced dramas, meltdown and further cyber bullies. After those continuance of attacks, I had a thought of deleting my account a few times. But, what made me to keep it? The world seem so dependent on Facebook, as a main method to communicate with people especially for those who are away from your hometown or being overseas.
During last couple of years, I learned that Facebook is being a such as greedy marketing tool for businesses and for rich people to make money rather than pursuasion in form of communication and sharing experiences. Notwithstanding, the efforts of people using Facebook on their hands (smartphones etc) and asking random person from the public whose met for first time to be added as their friend online. I got so curious what is this all about? Are we making friends? Are we helping people? Or we making a new form of main communication source to become digital?
This made me miss the old days of texting and calling via mobile phones, playing outside with people, go to meetings in person, and a face to face forums (community organisations etc). As being an Aspie (not sure how other Aspies feel in a same way), I believe that I am not learning important social cues and developing language skills. These days, it is seem so hard for me to get out and meet people and make new friends and relationships because everyone seem so dependent on Facebook, and/or other online source. ASD hasn't made a medical breakthrough not long before internet came, and other society influence of change.
How I feel I have about 400 friends online? I don't have a comment on this, but I know that not everyone is a true friend to me. I find this 'number' is disrespectful. I have several friends who are my family. I only have one true mate (from the outside world) being friends online. This whole 'being friends with others online' doesn't make me feel comfortable because I have absolutely no chance of making new friends in the outside world, and opportunities to hang out with people. I had more successes of doing that by face to face and via text messaging.
I believe this IT and rise of social media is damaging my life and other Aspies around the world. Facebook, for instance, as being a major social tool for the world it is causing harm. I don't know how I survive the world if Facebook make a bigger deal for everyone. Several times I am having so much difficulties making friends and develop a relationship with people, why this so? Because online social tool is making me to miss so many important social and relationship skills! I require so much effective counselling and therapies to catch up with able bodied people. Its so expensive. Facebook does seem stealing my money for taking lessons! Criminal of the century?!
So, social media is a friend or foe? ABSOLUTELY NOT A FRIEND! Sorry for yelling. I just trying to find ways how people to get me to be heard of. I have told to many people for many times saying how disastrous the society change we heading towards. Digital form of communication for Aspies is peer pressuring and blocking the person's ability to be capable and be understanding the differences in diversity.
The world lacks of understanding towards Aspies because the eruption of online communication influences abilities. I say, do I need to be your true friend before Facebook or just add me because of my name and never talk to me?
Welcome to my blog of my world being in a wrong planet!
Hello bloggers and Earthlings!
This is my first post. I have been blogging before, but these times I failed my motivation to write further posts. Although, I should make a better effort this time, promise!
Recently, I went to a conference where I met a lot of Aspies, and these people take care of people with ASD and academic researchers whose undertake educational context of Autism. I had a wonderful time sharing my experiences with them, and I appreciated that they shared their experiences with me. That was the time I felt I am NOT alone in this world!
Why I think I feel so motivated right now to create a blog? Likewise we seen many other Aspies already have their own blogs sharing their experiences. I felt like I needed to do a same, because we are sharing familiar outcomes in life, but different experiences.
What I should expect the outcomes of blogging? Well I would imagine I would feel so safe, secure and happier hearing and seeing people sharing my experiences from my blog. This purpose is great, especially diversity awareness.
More posts coming your way!
Why not bookmark this page on your web browser? Share my posts? Here is the link - http://matttheaspiesworld.blogspot.com.au/
This is my first post. I have been blogging before, but these times I failed my motivation to write further posts. Although, I should make a better effort this time, promise!
Recently, I went to a conference where I met a lot of Aspies, and these people take care of people with ASD and academic researchers whose undertake educational context of Autism. I had a wonderful time sharing my experiences with them, and I appreciated that they shared their experiences with me. That was the time I felt I am NOT alone in this world!
Why I think I feel so motivated right now to create a blog? Likewise we seen many other Aspies already have their own blogs sharing their experiences. I felt like I needed to do a same, because we are sharing familiar outcomes in life, but different experiences.
What I should expect the outcomes of blogging? Well I would imagine I would feel so safe, secure and happier hearing and seeing people sharing my experiences from my blog. This purpose is great, especially diversity awareness.
More posts coming your way!
Why not bookmark this page on your web browser? Share my posts? Here is the link - http://matttheaspiesworld.blogspot.com.au/
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