Autism Myth #1 - we have no social skills

Do social skills have to be perfect? No. After attended many psychologist appointments they explained to me that social skills doesn't have to be perfect, even if you are quirky and unique kind of person. From teens to young adult years, the gap of social skills between different people appears to be stigmatised.

Around the world, research studies found that there are about 1 in 7 people are diagnosed with Autism. I have met hundreds and thousands of different Autistic people ranging from high-functioning to classic Autism. The more I meet these people is the more I see the difference the social skills and perspectives. Not every single Autistic person you meet are a same. This point also proves to be a same for the Neurotypicals (or NT) who are people without Autism and/or other form of disability. The society is diverse. In general, every person is different.

From my experiences I learned that blaming myself for not having great social skills and ability to make friends is not a healthy perspective for others to perceive towards me. However, if the high-functioning Autistic person have confidence to express themselves by the way how they feel and share their perspectives the NTs can become confused. It still depend on the knowledge of the NT person. Unfortunately this is not an everyday thing from my experience, and that make it so challenging where I actively seeking social and friendship opportunities through common interests and networks.

Advocates perceived that media are responsible causing misconceptions and negatively stereotype towards people with disabilities. There are lot of misconceptions that NTs may have come across such as:

• they have no social skills
• they tend to be triggered by things
• young adults with ASD are difficult to get along with
• they can be fearful, angry and mentally harmful

Unfortunately it is so difficult to overcome these misconceptions, hence it makes it so challenging for Autistic people to break their barriers. This comes to attention of how well these young adults with Autism being who actively seeking opportunities to become socially accepted in social situations especially engaging in conversations, listening and sharing perspectives. These three factors are heavily stressful for high-functioning person. My psychologist told me there is only one way how to break this barrier, and they said 'assertive' communication. Not many people are aware of this word nor have abilities to become. 

Being assertive is when you listen to yourself and the other person feelings, expressions and scenarios/stories. Sharing experiences is very helpful for anyone because it enables their thoughts to listen other person's perspective. Many young adults with ASD tend to miss out these opportunities due to the mentioned misconceptions above. When I am fully engaged in social situations I am always curious if I have a right time, place or situation to speak, response and listen the NT person. Although this is being blinded by the NT person because they are unaware of the Autistic person is being challenged.

Autism and social media is another issue. How people response online compared to being in person? The reality exposes so much being online by judging how accepted the person you are. These challenges are also occurs by:

• how well people listen to you
• how often you have attention from others
• do people aware of your feelings

This is very tricky area, and it so unfortunate for me not able to deal with it due to stigma and misconceptions. Many friends I have are totally unaware of their actions can be offensive or causing harm towards me. This is why I have been taught about assertive communication because it helps me to understand other's perspective. It helps me so clearly to identify NTs confusion and inability to communicate.

Autistic people are quirky, unique and different kind of human beings. I am proud to be one!

Diversity movement is powerful

"Diversity movement is powerful", writes Mathew Townsend.

As an advocate for Sustainable Development and Diversity Inclusion I find the more diversity in campaign events is more powerful than single identity in the group's demographics.

People who are identified with different sexuality, gender, disability, cultural backgrounds, and etc being involved in mainstream complex of campaign movement deemed to be more powerful than the single identity movement. Let me say an example of this; identity politics or authoritarian states are 'single-identities' who are stereotyped as 'white', 'Christian' and thereafter. This type of movement is focused on conservative values and single-entity approaches such as people involved in one same thing, same type of activity without needing support.

The diversity movements such as Mardi Gras involves mainstream movement of accepting homosexuality, asexuality, bisexuality, transgender and queer communities. This movement do classe as single identity movement, but the movement has grew in past twenty years inviting other people of different identities to support the cause. This is called solidarity. People with different identities were invited and joined the movement to support on others, as well with other identities such as people with disabilities are also 'come out of the closet'. Acceptance of same-sex marriage equality on the rise due to empowering movement of diversity involves in the campaigns.

This is best example globally what and why the movement is so powerful. It is so convincing. Speaking of women's rights movement is another example of empowering movement. Solidarity is a platform of powerful campaign movements. It reduces stigma, discrimination, naive and bigotry attitudes within the society and their communities. In result it reduces assumption proving that it is not a 'single' identity influence. It is all about togetherness, understanding of their own rights, serve protection of other identities and respect.

Multiculturalism is a global movement of accepting cultures altogether. This is most powerful movement in the world, but it have more challenges compared to same-sex marriage equality and women's rights. The underrepresented and overlooked diversity movement such as disability/mental health rights movement, poverty/homeless people and indigenous rights. These three campaign awareness are the most stigmatised and marginalised of all movements in the world.

It is so interesting from my perspective that communication barriers becomes a major factor on overlooked right movements. Indigenous, homeless and disability requires more communication efforts than other rights, or they deemed to be shadowed by mainstream movements. Communication as being an advocate is so challenging, especially if you are on your own or live in oppressive society. Mainstream campaign movements, from my perspective such as same-sex marriage equality, women's rights and multiculturalism are easy to deal with communication because they already have support and solidarity.

When comes to politics and government/community organisation it is very challenging to be inclusive for underrepresented and overlooked diversity campaigns especially the indigenous and disabilities. This is because it requires more communication. In my experience, in politics it requires more efforts from me to speak about my disability rights because the members of the political party do not have solidarity in same way as they support the other rights, hence the mainstream rights. It is very challenging for me because it is stressful and requires so much time to establish opportunities to get support and understanding.

I highly encourage our campaign movements that I mentioned all should be inclusive and convincing to empower other people with different identities to create opportunities to build solidarity. Diversity movement within mainstream campaigns is a win-win strategy because it have higher attention, reducing stigma and assumptions of the cause. Climate change movement is slowly building diversity but at times accessibility can be a problem for underrepresented identities. Voting will be more powerful if your party involves complex of identities because it raises confidence of people with similar identities from the communities. 

Attack on my inner peace

Mathew, its time to tell people of your experiences of being 'attacked' on your inner peace after series of life events, including last night's event (3/2/17). Friends, families and people who knows me are still learning about my Autism and hearing loss. What ways to communicate with me? How they interact with me especially in social environment?

Many people either have Autism and hearing loss, but rarely have combination of those. Its so extremely challenging, like level 100 on Doom video game where the level is impassable. Life is full of negative in communication and social environment because I am so different to many people around me. I grew up with traumas, embarrassing situations including in public place, bullies, insults, mocking on my disabilities and terrible nightmares. I have been judged, verbally attacked and pressured. While I have been doing so well living independently having an apartment to live in, own and drive a car, a bicycle, traveling experiences, career employment and support from family and friends. The downside of my life is communication and social environments.

Combination of having Autism and hearing loss attacks on my ability to communicate and socialise with people. In reflection, it is a same way how people tend to get confused why my speech isn't clear enough, why I can be passive, why I am being inappropriate and that. These moments are totally unaware that I behave. Its too hard for me to know what exactly I am doing, at the same time everyone in same room as me seems comfortable but after my reflective actions people turn uncomfortable. I tend to get confused, lost and depressed. This is where the attack on my inner peace.

No one have any opportunity not to give up on me when I am under stress and pressure. I tend to flight as they do flight away from me. As a child and teenager I had regular meltdowns, but these days its more of anxiety due to traumas and impacts on my young days where I experienced loss of faith and trust in people. Communication and social skills is so extremely important for me to learn and understand because it helps me to build my self confidence, having healthy chemical balance in my brain and generate healthy genes for future offspring. Three years ago I started to come out into community more than I was previously. I started joined clubs, interest groups, employment and university. It is still challenging today because no one understand who I am. This leaves me behind in terms of social behaviour and communication strategies.

I have 8 years experience of counseling and psychology sessions learning about communication and social skills. Unfortunately the problem still persist because I still couldn't understand why friends and people know me aren't being consistent. This makes me anxious, confused and frustrated. That helps me into misery. Common symptoms of having Autism is anxiety and depression is due to external impacts and influences that violates the internal peace of the person's health. I felt like I have been violated by my friends many times, who didn't stay in touch with me nor be there for me. It is also difficult to make new friends because every time when I go out socialising and interest groups after first meet up they run away and never heard again. They were so nice, friendly, assertive and straightforward. I got so confused why they didn't want to be my new friend since they behaved at that time. It seems they were pretending or being fake towards me since they may not know how to deal a person with Autism and hearing loss.

I am turning 26 years old soon, and that is getting scarier because the more you grow old the more challenging it get. Ironically supposed to be other way around. I want global peace and inclusive society rather than attack people. I don't want to be lonely person. I always wanted a beautiful girlfriend who there for me who understands and love me. I wanted to return to her in same way. This makes me happy and earn lots of Oxycontin.

I learned to be ok with my Autism

Some people think I’m weird. Some people pass judgment on me, and others laugh and talk about me. It used to bother me, but now it doesn’t. When someone assumes things about me it shows me their mind is so closed that they are not willing to learn something new. When people talk about me e it shows me I’m quite interesting to the person because they are taking the time to observe me. My only advice is, before you judge or assume, get to know me enough to ask questions and learn not to give up independently. If a person does take the time to enter my world I will teach them things they never thought of because I have the ability to think outside the box.

There was a time that I wanted to act 'normal'. I had people telling me to watch what I did and said in fear of what others might think or say about me, and I had people who criticized me because of my differences and people who compared me to others and pointed out what they thought I wasn’t doing right. After having people question me about why I can’t do things like a 'normal' person or why I can’t like things like 'normal' people my age, I couldn’t help but think that the term 'normal' meant a non-autistic person or a disability or disorder-free person.

I spent a great deal of my life not knowing how to live. I was confused and didn’t know what to do so I became a follower. I tried to live my life like the majority of society, but I failed miserably because it was hard for me to pretend to be someone I was not. I felt a great deal of sadness, frustration, anger, anxiety, fear and pain. I felt inferior to most people and believed I was a bad person because I was different. 

I realized if I wanted to live a happy and productive life, I had to make changes in my life. Firstly, I had to accept I was different from most people and understand that a lot of people might have a problem with my differences and that is OK. Secondly, I had to learn I had the power to decide who I let in my life. If someone caused me stress, discomfort and wasn’t supportive of me, it was OK to not allow them in my life. Thirdly, I had to learn how to be strong. I had to stand my ground and not give in when people try to change me into who they wanted me to be or who they thought I should be.

I had to learn who I am as a human being and not letting the society or those around me wanted me to be. When I was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism, I learned all I could about it so I could better understand myself. For years I wondered why I never developed emotional feelings with my family and friends. Through research I found out it is one of common traits of Autism. I accepted these things about myself, and now I expect the people who I allow in my life to accept these things about me too.

I don’t always act my age, and at other times I may appear too professional or serious. I have a more masculine appearance, and sometimes people have a problem with this. I’ve had a lot of people who tried to get me to explore my feminine side more. At one point in my life I would allow people to try to change me into the feminine person they wanted me to be. I would feel so much discomfort, but I didn’t know how to tell them how miserable I felt. Now if someone tries to change me into who they want me to be, I wouldn’t do it, and if they insist too much I would just walk away or kick them out of my life. Now I feel if a person can’t accept me as I am or respect my decisions and choices, then that person doesn’t have a place in my life.

I have dreams and goals of being a greatest leader in the world on Sustainable Development and Diversity Inclusion. Some people tell me I can’t succeed at being a leader because I have a disability and I am healing from years of abuse ans traumas. Years ago I would have believed this, but now I don’t.