There were hundred of social situations I been that I did not know that I misread the social cues. It is a problem that I do not know of it. It seems that its causing all of my family and friends blaming on me because I totally ruin their social moods because I did not know that I misread the social cues. How I suppose to know if I am reading the situation clearly before I get upset when I do not know I am making a mistake or making a fool of myself?
After reading several threads on Wrong Planet forums website (for people with ASD). I seen so many threads stating that guys having same problem with me. They are being turned down on social meetings, one-on-one meeting with women, failed to read the current reality of the social situations and being upset that someone point at them that they are doing something is wrong which being offensive to non ASD people. By knowing this its upsets me because it seems I have been making a fool of myself for whole life without knowing the social situations I play part.
There are few people told me that from their perspective is that I am socially confident. They meant that I hug women, being out of comfort zone so many times and talk to strangers upfront without anxiety. Unfortunately after I realised that I have been misreading the social situations/cues during the time I am being confident, this eventually made me to become anxious. I have developed this in past two weeks because it hurts me a lot when I realise that I am not fully capable to read situations.
I don't care I have disabilities when I'm socially confident, but now being labeled wrong and pointed out I am doing all the wrong things. I don't know what all of my family and friends think of me while I am being socialising but at the end of the day I am being told I read the situation wrong. I really do want to enjoy my life without using my disabilities into the context, but upon reflection of other people confusion and misintepretations made me to use it because they make a big deal of a problem where I spoil happy situations. I fear of my anger and sadness ruins someone mood.
Here are some true life examples of what happened from my view that why it is happening:
Are women turning me down from postponing, cancelling, or not responding for a first meet up? I don't know what is going on here, but in my life it happens to every single time when I initiate interest or make a development of friendship and whatever from there. I read this familiar topic on Wrong Planet forum website, there are so many ASD guys being victimised of this situation. So, what is going on here? Absolutely no idea, so do they say do not know why and what causing this. From my perspective, as being a typical male human being it is natural to make a move or initiate something. But I don't know what I did is wrong, even to the point misreading the situation when I didn't know I was misreading the situation at the same time. I really want to know the answers from the non ASD female's perspectives to explain to me why they are doing this, especially in a reoccurring scenario. I find my age rather surprising to see how immature I am in this situation. I believe this is a concerning assumption from the female perspective seeing me in a creepy or stalking way to invade their spaces or their lives. This comes across a wrong way because I wasn't intentionally stalking or making anyone uncomfortable. I thought I was friendly and want to make a move? I don't know where this accusations comes from?
Missing out on social events is another situation that I am frustrated with. Many friends want me to not focus on their movements to what social events they are going especially similar interests as I would like to go too. I am very uncomfortable of going to a social event where I do not know anyone in same place. It becomes a death trap challenge where I would like to meet someone new to talk to and make a move by friendship or relationships. Especially of similar interests, I would rather to be comfortable being with friends that knows me at the similar interest event or scenario. I don't know what my friends' perspective on me of going by myself and getting in rather uncomfortable situation. I used to step out of my comfort zone many times especially in the past year, but more recently I started to become anxious since that I have been accused of being socially retarded, self centred and seeing people walking away from me while I am in the circle. I cannot read this social situations of why this is causing a problem. That why I became uncomfortable. I am very 110% sure that other ASD people are familiar to this situation it because there are like 1 in a million of people totally understands me. It is extremely rare to come across a person who socially understands me. Going places and that I love to go and do things I want is something I wish to be confident for myself.
So what I have learned from my Group 4 Health workshops at my university lately is the difference of a person's health and wellbeing between having a high social connection to a low social connection. The image from the workbook is below.
I have expressed myself many times to everyone I know for a while. It seems rather emotionally draining to everyone who is listening to me and giving me advices. I think this is an issue where that I realised they do not fully understand my life perspective of why I am feeling this. Been going to counselors and psychologists for many years. I have worked on myself to improve my wellness through awareness. Though I am there. But it just lacking of two way traffic between myself and everyone else because of clarity issues.
Like many people in the world always wanted a high social connection life where reading and using effective social skills is easy. But it is complicated, I do know that. Probably not as good as my writing and speech which is being impaired by my disabilities. My apologises if you didn't understand this journal article.
No comments:
Post a Comment