Aspies - jealous or sham?

I have been living a mystery life. Is that right? Most able bodied people (more appropriate wording than calling neurotypicals) told me I am a mystery but too high maintenance to work with. I can't comment on that because if I say that repsonse is unfair to me, it would be unfair for others as well!

Since the fact that people with ASD, life is always a struggle. Finding ways how to deal and coping things with sudden of change, how to make friends and relationships in an ideal way. Perhaps, it does not seem that easy for me. Its' like a saying 'it is easy to be nice to everyone especially when they are not your friends'. Unfortunately, this type of scenario confuses me. On what level 'being nice' is actually a way to make a new friend?

So, are we living life of jealously or being a sham? From my point of view, I'll say both because many times I tend to be jealous of able bodied people getting things that I couldn't get. Other times I feel like a sham for getting benefits and extra support which that able bodied people couldn't. This is hardest, but most difficult thing I live for.

Why I make myself jealous of others? Sometimes I don't know how much effort, or how keen I wanted to get something a same like other people have been experiencing or getting. I felt like a wreck if no one pleased with me for having any opportunities to experience something that I have been jealous for rest of my life. I tend to get frustrated when someone says to me 'Mathew, things do happen from time to time, it will happen at least expected'. Since when life have a rule? I can't see anything happen if there is a rule? Who is ruling the world? Aspies like myself can't taken the granted for the able bodied's perspective of these sayings because it is DIFFERENT from our perspective!

I can't afford to live life with a demise, being a mirror of others who couldn't give space and time providing people opportunities to enjoy life. Many times I have been positively thinking getting married, have children and career job of what I like to do. Unfortunately, it seems negative when able bodied people tells me an excuse of their thoughts how much chance I am getting. NO ONE do know what level of possibilities of something to happen in our lives!?

Being positive means things DO happen. On the opposite side of the world I felt like a sham as well because I spent so much time thinking about things I tend to be jealous of others. What I need to do? How I can enjoy life when there are opportunities for ANY one to experience things that have been waiting for? Sorry, its up to you. Aspies cannot control their lives unless the perceptions between two world collaborate and excel together. This is equivalent to developing a policy on racism back in the 1970's. Why Aspies, and other disabled people doesn't have similar policies?

I tell you what, I can't continue talking on a same topic for rest of my life because it is driving me crazy. Meltdowns, perhaps appears to be a staged scenario.