Many people thinks of me as a party pooper. I have two sides on this momentum. It is true that I do not like crowded parties like music festivals, alcoholic house parties and related environment as you can name. However, I am very keen to be a social person. For instance, these guys on Big Bang Theory tv show, they always play games together, go to dress up costumes parties and that. Sheldon frankly make nonsenses when come to social and relationships, why? He may feel like a same as me?!
To be honest, I feel a same as what Sheldon does but I am not trying to be ignorant. I LOVE to have a happy, fun and adventerous times with everyone. Unfortunately, many situations from people I have been with in my life always go to a same type of environment which that I am not comfortable with. Maybe this is an Australian culture? I feel like a typical Aspie when come to parties, and other kind of social environments. Maybe this why people don't ask me to hang out?
Of course I tend to make plans to have fun, but these times failed. Especially, having my own birthday parties. I had a few bad birthday parties during uni and abroad. I invited people as I thought they are my friends, but very fewer people turned up. Thank you for those who came and celebrate with me, I kindly appreciated that. What I believe from my perspective of why people who I invited (or can't be bothered coming) didn't come because I turned them down for my boredom. I may appear have one of most boring birthday/parties plans in the world. One thing, I don't drink alcohol. That could be a main factor that scared people away from their boredom. Other what I knew for long time is that I attracted as a party pooper, which that could make people feel uncomfortable being around me not knowing what to do for fun nor to talk about something.
I am working so extremely hard to make myself an attractive person to hang out and party with people socially. But what makes me feel uncomfortable when come to these scenarios? Parties/social events tend to be in a rapid ever changing environment. I tend to get very frustrated as a reaction to the pulses and scenarios of what is exactly going on. For example, kept turning up music after hour to another. From a sober person's perspective, this influences further because I am an Aspie which explains that I do not have a same level of social skills as all able bodied people have. This is unfair to me!
What makes me feel bad seeing these posts/photos over Facebook friends, and people share me stories of how successful their social happenings? I feel jealous. Many times I turn myself down because over the few years I thought I did made friends with people. It didn't change my life at all. I felt hopeless.
I feel so surprised seeing myself as an infant when come to social skills and cues. These times when I feel down, I tend to become anti-social because I couldn't express myself how I feel about things. I don't want to show myself how bad myself to these able bodied people. Probably, its too late because in the world people are already know that Aspies are and treat us like social disorders. People just couldn't get along with (and with other Aspies) in a social environment. I have a feeling that how 'close minded' our world becomes because they always focused on similar party environments such as where alcohol involved and become ill-minded. This is so boring for me!
I have been told as a hermit, a nerd and a pooper many times during college and abroad because its' how able bodied people reflect on my social skills. This is a life NOT what I wanted. I want to have a group of friends; although I always hang out with my mate, Dylan at every once or two weeks. He seems only person I get along. I kindly appreciate our friendship of 11 years! He appears to understand my social needs to ensure that I am comfortable to do without harm. I wish other people out there do a same way as they can forget these mainstream parties and make focus on people rather than the value of mainstream itself! I really want to have a party, and am keen to learn to build friendship skills.
What I like to do with people? I am an outdoorsy kind of person. I love go camping, road trips, explore our lives and do spontaneous things (not that rapid ever changing ways as mentioned earlier). So, if you keen to do something with me (of course to your Aspie friends as well), please let us know you wanted to hang out!
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